HELLO SPRING!

Well, well, well, I’m stretching- opening my eyes (little bright out here). The bear is coming out of her cave.

This winter I went the way of the trees, entering an outwardly dormant phase, laying my leaves aside and sitting bare for a while.

Sure I did what I had to do, duties more than anything, but in my real world- my work of sharing love in the world, well- I took a little breather.

Here is what came up when I googled “what do tree’s do in winter”

"During the period of winter rest there are many metabolic and developmental processes going on in the buds and twigs. These processes include respiration, photosynthesis, some cell division, enzyme synthesis, production of growth stimulators, and dissipation of growth inhibitors. “

In particular I want to focus on respiration and dissipation of growth inhibitors- I’m sure the other stuff was going on too!

Respiration...I took the winter to grow a mass in my right nostril. This mass has proven to be unmoved by all the efforts of western medicine, acupuncture, various energy workers, affirmations, the work of Louise Hay, prayer- he has been very good at showing me the amount of tools in my magic toolbox. There is no problem in this, but my quest has been to let go of that which no longer serves me (dissipation of growth inhibitors). As you ask so it shall be, and so this has been EXCELLENT for showing the
layers to which I want to be in control of this body, this world- everything really. I want to know the answers and I want to fix it all- ha ha ha- makes me laugh to look at it so clearly.

So what I’ve done this winter is watch my mind while this has been going on, watching where fear lives and where I can choose to trust and let peace lead the way. Layers and layers of ‘growth inhibitors’ have shown up, everything from not trusting Doctors to seeing the places that I believed myself to be a total failure. Looking at all of the lies that compel behaviours that reinforce the lies- and so on and so on. I sat back, often in my bed or in the bath with my friend Holy Spirit and we took a long hard look at
the rich movie in my mind, sorting and selecting, choosing to let go of idea’s of separation and lean into a connection story.

Believe me there were times when I beat myself up about not blogging, not ‘getting my business’ in gear like the world says you should. But the world is pretty f$#@ up so listening to what the world says is a bit like taking flying lessons from a snake.

So I guess I’m just saying Hello, I’m back. I am seeing some buds growing and look forward to the full bloom. I am loving my holistic work right now, it seems that my clients and I are shining the light on what’s holding them back, we are listening to the body, the energy body, the mind and the soul and getting all of us back to centred, back to whole, back to the Peace that we are.

Hello Spring, Hello Sunshine and Hello my friends,

Love from Fawna

My desire at this time is to share freely. In the Course In Miracles it talks about 'teaching to learn'- please take this blog in this way and not as a lecture, you and are the same and so the need for teacher and student is only helpful as a concept to remembering who we are.

This morning in my meditation I saw myself floating on the ocean. The ocean is a symbol for the 'Universe' for me- 'the One'. There are many metaphors about us being waves upon the ocean- moments of separate experience, but never truly separate. In this vision I saw myself floating upon the ocean in a life jacket. In my case I am quite content in my life jacket, floating along merrily enjoying the scenery. A whisper on the wind began to call "take it off"- "you don't need it"- "you can swim". I argued "but I need my life jacket" (even there I love that it is called a 'life' jacket).

Above all I want to be free, I want to be fearless, I want to extend and create. In this image I could see how my life jacket - in the guise of creating safety - was preventing me from going deeper, preventing me from swimming.

This was a bright orange life jacket, but I could sense that it was woven of the worlds needs of me... Mother, Daughter, Wife, Employee- very, very needed. Now this is the part where the ego freaks out- "you mean I have to let go of my kids in order to be free!!!" lol- I feel it!

What the voice on the wind says is that 'you need lose nothing- only the mistaken images of yourself', the life jacket is woven of the lies that I tell myself- that I must be vigilant, that I must be on guard, that I must look after everything and that I have many choices, demands and decisions. And I wove it. In my fear of freedom, in my fear to truly trust and just swim.

Even now I feel the resistance to it. In my meditation I asked "who put this on me"- of course I did! Even with this awareness I couldn't see myself taking it off- I loosened a couple of toggles so I could swim a little freer.

What I have gained is some insight - useful on the way to freedom- and the sound of that voice echoes- you can swim, you can swim, you can swim.

Why Blog?

The last couple months I have been spending a lot of time inside- not indoors- but inside of 'me'.

This week it occurred to me that I hadn't blogged in a while- it was more of a case of too many Aha's
rather than not enough.

I had the experience this summer of having my 'thinking' - beliefs in Oneness, Only Love IS Real and
that it was supposed to be FUN here- move to 'feeling' and 'having'.

This seemed to require some time to integrate and interpret.

So, I asked myself, why would I blog- if I believe that it is all perfect, that the Divine plan is in play and
all change comes from the inside?

The answer that comes to me is that we are all in this together and sharing is our natural way.

I welcome stories, feedback, sharing, as I relax into my innocence sharing becomes easier and easier-
and I invite you to do the same.

With Love,
Fawna

Rainbow Connection

I woke up this morning with the song "I want to be a Billionaire" by Bruno Mars in my head. Then it switched to
Jessie J. and "Pricetag"- opposing messages- both appealing, perfectly mirroring the struggle in this world.

I spent some time on YouTube and found myself listening to Jason Mraz (sigh) and "Rainbow Connection". I then
listened to 'Rainbow Connection' by the Carpenters and Kermit and was drawn to looking at the lyrics.

When I hear someone (or myself) say "Well, it's just like _______",something absolute, I often hear the words of this song
"somebody thought of it, and someone believed it". If you listen you will notice how much time we spend reinforcing
facts that if looked at honestly always have exceptions. As Byron Katie says "is it true?" "is it really true?" "how do I feel
when I think this?" "how would I feel without this story?".

As I listened to the lyrics I was awestruck at the Truth in them and 'the rainbow connection'. A rainbow, as I understand it,
is refracted light. Just like all of this- I mean ALL of this- my computer, my hands on the computer, the copy of ACIM and
the phone beside me here. It is all refracted light and like a rainbow is seems so, so real.

I love when songs/movies point the way- gentle, kind reminders waiting for us to be willing.

"rainbows are visions, but only illusions"

"all of under it's spell, we know that it's probably magic"

"have you been half asleep and have you heard voices"

"Who said that every wish would be heard and answered?
Wished on the morning star,
somebody thought of that and someone believed it
and look what it's done so far
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?"

This line in particular is very aligned with Ho'oponopono, ACIM- and the other paths that have attracted me.
Our suffering is wishing for something other than what 'is' - looking upon everything with a wish- a desire
for it to be different, "and look what it's done so far"

Acceptance, not to be confused with 'oh well, nothing matters anyway' is what we seek and yet seem to have
difficulty giving.

Enjoy the music and look for the messages- they are all around us.

"Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me"

Do-Be to Be-Do!

Doobie, doobie, doo... this little ditty has been running through my head all day.

It was sparked after a conversation with a dear friend of mine- she called in tears- "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

I reminded myself to 'hold the high note', accept her exactly at this point, and yet my mind
was super tempted to figure it out, to fix it, to make her comfortable. These things don't sound 'bad'
but there are in opposition to the peace that I want to be right now and are not examples of the acceptance that
I wish to offer my friends.

I listened and did the best I could to be present and not 'water the weeds' or build on the story- nor did I fall into
solving.

As I drove later on (the Holy Spirit loves to talk to me while I'm driving- or more accurately- that's when I listen),
it occurred to me that we quickly jump into the 'doing'.

There is the saying "we are human beings, not human doings".

Just as she had jumped into 'doing' mode, so had I. I was wondering "what can I do, what can I say".

The message I received, was to focus on the 'being' not the doing.

When I jump to doing I often follow the well worn path- also known as a rut- the reactive behaviours that have been
programmed and may or more often may not be appropriate to the situation. Almost like a script- "when you do this,
I do this" and then, as the definition of insanity goes 'expect a different outcome'.

I made the decision to choose to 'be' peaceful, to 'be' present and to see what doing unfolded from that.

In contrast to our first conversation our second conversation was not about the two of us panicking over our next 'do'.
I shared my do-be, be-do thoughts and in that we both shifted. The decision to be free, to be peaceful, to be calm- these
choices made the doing so much clearer.

SO, do be do be do- or be do be do be...what song are you doing to sing?

Being Response-Able

I haven't been blogging or doing my newsletters recently and facebook and twitter comments even seem hard to find.

I'm in a place of 'sorting', it's not uncomfortable (most of the time), but in questioning every thought it has become difficult to make statements of opinion, idea's to share or find lessons that people should learn (ha ha ha).

I do however have a destination in mind and I just had the wonderful opportunity to have it validated.

I am lucky in this lifetime to have a Mother who is wise and a Father who is a seeker (yikes even in that sentence I find several 'stories' to question). I have been gifted with Mighty Companions on this journey.

My Dad and I were just on the phone and I haven't talked to him in a couple of weeks. He had given me a book "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown and I had given him a meditation CD - "The Quantum Life Breath" by Jaru Kabbal. These two works are incredibly supportive of one another so I was interested in seeing where he was at and what had been coming to him.

Mid way through the conversation he began to talk about a concept- honestly I wasn't listening, I was waiting to talk because I had a concept that I wanted to share. IT WAS THE SAME CONCEPT!

The concept that we have mutually come to, that was mentioned in neither of the works we were discussing, was the idea of being "Response-Able".

There is a heavy emphasis on responsibility in our culture, like many of the words that we use however (like respect for instance) this is interpreted differently by just about everyone. A responsible mother to one person can be something entirely different to another. This keeps everyone perfectly separated, frustrated and often in righteous indignation.

My destination in my current work, with my employer being the Creator (insert word of choice here), as opposed to being responsible is to be response able.

I am trusting that when the 'stories' - and there are oh so many, many; consider the meaning that we put on 'facebook', which is actually a neutral thing in our world! These stories keep us separate and in most cases unable to respond to the callings of our heart, the callings of the Divine.

"I feel like it would be helpful to go away for a weekend, but I feel guilty because I'm a Mom and I should like being with my kids" as an example- which keeps us unhappy whether we go away or stay home.

Response able to me is hearing the still, small voice inside and being able to respond, trusting that you will be led into situations that create the highest good for all. Letting go of the masks of woman, mother, friend, spouse and so on, and so on.

So bear with me, my posts may be intermittent- or not- I have no idea, but I do have the intent that whatever I post will be helpful as we become more conscious together.

Breathing Underwater: Guest Blogger Kyle Scanlon

Photo courtesty of Atmo at Wildquest
I love how quickly things can come together when they are meant to be.

I am so excited to share someone with you. Kyle is a community worker in downtown Toronto. What first impressed me with Kyle is that he not only gives of himself, but also
to himself.

A few years ago I accepted that "Love your neighbor, as Yourself" truly means- love yourself the same as you love everyone else.

I used to shine all of my light out, never taking any for myself-
and seeing this in others has inspired my passion to 'help helpers'.

Kyle's commitment to a yearly trip (last year he went to Rwanda to see gorilla's in the wild!) that feeds his soul- partnered with his contribution to his community made me want to share, share, share him.

He has graciously offered this learning piece- Thank You Kyle, as the week in Bimini progressed Kyle proved to be a gentle, fun and deep thinking soul. Here is what he took home from our trip to Bimini:

In Bimini, I expected to see dolphins, but I found so much more.

On Day 1 of my trip to swim with wild dolphins in the Bahamas, I found myself in a torturous position - my face planted solidly into water while I tried to breathe.

Yes, I had a snorkel to use, but my brain and my body both agreed that breathing underwater was simply a bad idea. As I tried to force myself to take slow deep breaths through the snorkel, I continually began to hyperventilate, and panic, and I would have to lift my head up out of the water and relax before trying it all over again and again.

It was incredibly frustrating. Dolphins were swimming with us, below us, and all around us, but I was caught up in my state of panic and could barely appreciate the presence of the dolphins.

After panicking, I then made matters worse by berating myself for my inability to overcome my fear. That too distracted me from any chance to appreciate the experience of having so many dolphins so close. I wondered later in my room, "Would the entire trip be a waste because of my fear?"

But in the following days, I soldiered on, every day at every opportunity, I would willingly put on the mask and snorkel and drop down into the ocean with my head underwater and panic all over again. Each day I fought myself because I knew there was a chance of seeing dolphins again and I was not going to miss out again. I would be ready.

Day 5 - our last day - brought us up close and personal with a pod of bottle nose dolphins and finally I was able to let go of the panic and simply breathe deeply and calmly, and watch the dolphins dive to feed.

One dolphin came up to me at eye level and slowly circled me. I circled with her, keeping eye contact. It was incredible to be in her gaze, to really share the ocean with her, to join her in her element.

This process, I realized, was a metaphor for life. We must sometimes conquer our demons in order to experience beauty and wonder.

When I face future adversities, I will reflect back on my time with the dolphins and how I had to learn to breathe in water, and I'll know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to because of my determination and strength of spirit.

I'll know that wondrous things await, so long as I have the patience and courage to persevere.

Fear can be a gateway to something special, but only if you don't let yourself be held captive by it. That's what the dolphins taught me.

Thank you, dolphins.

Kyle