It's now been 2 years since I finished Cancer Treatment. I spoke this weekend at the Canadian Cancer Society BC Volunteer Conference, it was a joy and the topic, of my choosing, was "You Matter, Receiving".
It also put me into some second year reflection. Gone are the casseroles and the 2 days in a row in the same pajama's, gone are the "I love you Fawna, Thinking of You Fawna, What Can I Do for you Fawna", gone are the cards and flowers and the random gifts. I'm fatter now, there is a paunch, and hair in my eyes, and hair on my legs. I hope you are laughing with me now, this is a totally false 'pity party'. I am so happy and the love that was inside of every casserole and message has stayed- multiplying in fact. The paunch is a sign of good living, of beers and pizza and watching movies and playing cards and campfires.
I'm sharing with you now after so long as I had kind of forgotten how much I like sharing my unique perspective (and how much I like to hear yours). I had 15 minutes to speak before dinner and within the first minute I had them in tears. Funny thing, it wasn't the story about a 28 year old with a 1 and 2 year old and Stage IV Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, I simply had them close their eyes, place a hand on their hearts and truly receive a thank you. There were tears and the tears shocked them.
One of the social media sites I'm on says that I have a "passion for helping helpers", it's true and when I saw that recently I thought "wow, when did I think of that?" as there may not be a consistent message in my social media, but that is another story.
I've blogged it before but it bears repeating, I would never tell a giver to stop giving, they can't, they won't, but if they don't keep their tank full- they won't have the option. Mark 12:31 Love your neighbor as yourself. This is not love your neighbor more than yourself, nor love yourself more than your neighbor and yet these are the two options we generally choose. There are loads and loads of blogs and inspirational messages right now about the importance of giving, sometimes I think they ignore the fact that there is about 1/2 the population who are wired to give, who's entire identity is caught up in giving. This is who I'm talking to. The ones who hold the flip flops and sunscreen while others enjoy the pool, who say they are happy- and they are because their happiness is dependent on the happiness of others. To them I am saying, jump in the pool, everyone will be the better for it. We can take turns caring and supporting, being cared for and being supported- take your turn, take it before Cancer, or Depression or and accident leaves you having to- forcing receiving, or ending up with the gross combo of receiving + guilt.
This was my message to the volunteers, the benefit of doing something twice is that you get to apply your learning from the first time. The first time I had cancer I had to do some receiving, but I blocked as much as I could, keeping on the brave face and asserting my fineness. The second time that went out the window, I received everything, every emotion that came my way- I opened it and it passed quickly- I received the thoughts as they came, I watched them and sorted them and only kept the ones that connected me to life. I received the gift of play when my friend showed up with Bubbles, I received the gift of art and a personalized yoga breathing session and healing treatments and prayers and pillows and food and holy water and love and tears and fears (my own and those of my friends) and from my spiritual mentors I received Truths.
Bottom line, it went easier, it went better, I recovered quicker and was back helping much sooner. If I keep typing that won't be the bottom line :)Thank You for being there (receive that please). As one of the participants so perfectly put it after the talk "I realized while you were talking that giving is receiving and receiving is giving". And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Everyday Aha: Little Piece of Black Tape
Everyday Aha: Little Piece of Black Tape: Last week I had the engine light on my vehicle come on. We are heading on a long trip so this seemed to be a concern, but as is a practice ...
Little Piece of Black Tape
Last week I had the engine light on my vehicle come on. We are heading on a long trip so this seemed to be a concern, but as is a practice now it ended up teaching me a few things, the lesson was cemented by my brother who said “a little piece of black tape works”, having found out it was the catalytic converter I thought he was talking about tape there- but no, he meant put a piece of black tape over the check engine light, ha ha.
The message I was taking in about the light was how I would focus on it, trying and trying to make it go away and yes, even blocking it with my hand while I drove. The warning light is benign of course, like things that go wrong in our life, only a signal- a hey, hey - look deeper.
How often though do I end up dealing with the messages and disregard looking deeper?
Every perception that we have is an engine light, when we are at peace- no engine lights, no warnings, no ‘hey,hey’. When we have any negative feeling at all it is a call to lift the hood and look inside.
Painting the engine light, a piece of black tape, or my hand would hide it for a bit. I could have even disconnected the wiring to the engine light. The metaphor for this is how we disconnect- drinking, watching TV, food, work- also benign, neutral, distracting but I’m not suggesting ‘bad’. Like a soother temporarily helpful, but never satisfying the hunger.
What is the hunger, what is the engine trouble? To completely skip ahead it is our perceived separation. From one another and from the Infinite, All Powerful, Creator. This is me, your mechanic of the moment postulating, after seeing many engines this is probably the problem. This does not negate the need to go in and take a look and fix it. Not a mechanic? Not a meditator? Not familiar with embodiment or energy work? Not an enlightened Master (yet)? No matter, there are friends who are. They will go with you, they will show you the way until you become your own mechanic.
First we look, then we assess, then we fix. I’m gonna go beyond the ‘wow, that’s a neat metaphor’ and spill all the beans here.
Look = meditation, inner work, focussing on awareness, noticing, follow it all the way back (“What’s Behind this?” again and again until you reach a space of THIS IS IT.
Assess = ask yourself, ask your highest Divine self, ask the Divine “IS THIS TRUE?” for everything you find.
Fix = Forgive, now having seen clearly what the engine trouble is (false beliefs), say, ummm, I don’t want this anymore, I choose ____________________.
Believe me, nothing is ‘unfixable’- in the end you find that nothing was ever broken and the engine lights are reset to ‘all is well’.
I love you.
Fawna
The message I was taking in about the light was how I would focus on it, trying and trying to make it go away and yes, even blocking it with my hand while I drove. The warning light is benign of course, like things that go wrong in our life, only a signal- a hey, hey - look deeper.
How often though do I end up dealing with the messages and disregard looking deeper?
Every perception that we have is an engine light, when we are at peace- no engine lights, no warnings, no ‘hey,hey’. When we have any negative feeling at all it is a call to lift the hood and look inside.
Painting the engine light, a piece of black tape, or my hand would hide it for a bit. I could have even disconnected the wiring to the engine light. The metaphor for this is how we disconnect- drinking, watching TV, food, work- also benign, neutral, distracting but I’m not suggesting ‘bad’. Like a soother temporarily helpful, but never satisfying the hunger.
What is the hunger, what is the engine trouble? To completely skip ahead it is our perceived separation. From one another and from the Infinite, All Powerful, Creator. This is me, your mechanic of the moment postulating, after seeing many engines this is probably the problem. This does not negate the need to go in and take a look and fix it. Not a mechanic? Not a meditator? Not familiar with embodiment or energy work? Not an enlightened Master (yet)? No matter, there are friends who are. They will go with you, they will show you the way until you become your own mechanic.
First we look, then we assess, then we fix. I’m gonna go beyond the ‘wow, that’s a neat metaphor’ and spill all the beans here.
Look = meditation, inner work, focussing on awareness, noticing, follow it all the way back (“What’s Behind this?” again and again until you reach a space of THIS IS IT.
Assess = ask yourself, ask your highest Divine self, ask the Divine “IS THIS TRUE?” for everything you find.
Fix = Forgive, now having seen clearly what the engine trouble is (false beliefs), say, ummm, I don’t want this anymore, I choose ____________________.
Believe me, nothing is ‘unfixable’- in the end you find that nothing was ever broken and the engine lights are reset to ‘all is well’.
I love you.
Fawna
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Perspectives
Good Morning!
Yesterday I was on the verge of cancelling the Calgary sessions of Inner Harvest, there are ‘only’ 2 participants registered. As you can imagine this seemed to cause me some suffering.
Through practice I have come to a place where I can catch this suffering and recognize it for what it is, a misalignment, a perspective and nothing more.
This morning I am in such a different perspective, in full gratitude that the 2 participants are an artist and a photographer and their perspectives on the revelations that I will share will help me to see deeper.
From the point of view that I was at yesterday I was seeing “is this worth my time and money”. I am not saying that this is not a valuable question, it is definitely worth looking at WITHOUT JUDGMENT. There’s the rub, to this conversation I also brought some blame and shame- they are kind of like thing one and thing two in the Cat in the Hat- they cause mayhem with the Peace.
I felt confused.
I started to reach outwards in desperation, asking my marketing friends their opinions and luckily sending an honest note to the owner of Wolf Willow studio. I say luckily because her response was honest. Open conversation facilitates decision making. I am going to use this picture to describe what happened in my mind.
From the viewpoint of ‘not enough time and not enough money’ I was in victim. In victim I am afraid, when I’m afraid I have two options- fight or flight. Those little rascals blame and shame were saying “you didn’t start soon enough”, “none wants to come- who do you think you are”, “Michelena is going to want to be paid anyway and you are going to be out money”, “You should just bail on it, it’s not worth it”. They were having a real party in there. I will flesh out the characters a little. The victim in this story played (very well I might add) by Fawna Bews, Bully played by Fawna Bews inner voices, Michelena, everyone who should come to the workshop and isn’t. Rescuers played by other workshop participant, Michelena (in my victim hopes that she would say- ‘hey, don’t worry about it, just let it go’), my marketing friends. Now, let me mention that I assigned all of these roles, my choice- I am the Director :)
So, with Faith, and I realize this morning that that can be faith in yourself or Faith in something bigger, Faith in the Truth of who I am. My believe, my faith is that there is a bigger plan, that I am provided for, that we are all connected (so numbers really don’t matter).
This shot me into the other Triangle, as creator it is so much fun, Michelena in her honesty became security, secure in that I can trust her to tell me her truth and she will provide amazing space for the workshop, the other participant became Love, I couldn’t create without her participation. My overall feeling therefore shifted from Disappointed to Grateful. I am so excited to share my work with a photographer and an artist, it will allow us to reinforce the connection and go even deeper- it is in fact, perfect.
That in a nutshell is my work and what I am jumping up and down excited to share with you- because it feels so good and makes even the struggles kind of fun. Inner mountain climbing if you will.
The core of my work, which I will share in each and every session as it requires an entire mind shift is based on the circles (video here) and the triangles above.
Sharing with Love,
Be The Harvest,
Fawna
Registration for Inner Harvest Sessions, Calgary and Longview, Individual or Entire Series
Yesterday I was on the verge of cancelling the Calgary sessions of Inner Harvest, there are ‘only’ 2 participants registered. As you can imagine this seemed to cause me some suffering.
Through practice I have come to a place where I can catch this suffering and recognize it for what it is, a misalignment, a perspective and nothing more.
This morning I am in such a different perspective, in full gratitude that the 2 participants are an artist and a photographer and their perspectives on the revelations that I will share will help me to see deeper.
From the point of view that I was at yesterday I was seeing “is this worth my time and money”. I am not saying that this is not a valuable question, it is definitely worth looking at WITHOUT JUDGMENT. There’s the rub, to this conversation I also brought some blame and shame- they are kind of like thing one and thing two in the Cat in the Hat- they cause mayhem with the Peace.
I felt confused.
I started to reach outwards in desperation, asking my marketing friends their opinions and luckily sending an honest note to the owner of Wolf Willow studio. I say luckily because her response was honest. Open conversation facilitates decision making. I am going to use this picture to describe what happened in my mind.
From the viewpoint of ‘not enough time and not enough money’ I was in victim. In victim I am afraid, when I’m afraid I have two options- fight or flight. Those little rascals blame and shame were saying “you didn’t start soon enough”, “none wants to come- who do you think you are”, “Michelena is going to want to be paid anyway and you are going to be out money”, “You should just bail on it, it’s not worth it”. They were having a real party in there. I will flesh out the characters a little. The victim in this story played (very well I might add) by Fawna Bews, Bully played by Fawna Bews inner voices, Michelena, everyone who should come to the workshop and isn’t. Rescuers played by other workshop participant, Michelena (in my victim hopes that she would say- ‘hey, don’t worry about it, just let it go’), my marketing friends. Now, let me mention that I assigned all of these roles, my choice- I am the Director :)
So, with Faith, and I realize this morning that that can be faith in yourself or Faith in something bigger, Faith in the Truth of who I am. My believe, my faith is that there is a bigger plan, that I am provided for, that we are all connected (so numbers really don’t matter).
This shot me into the other Triangle, as creator it is so much fun, Michelena in her honesty became security, secure in that I can trust her to tell me her truth and she will provide amazing space for the workshop, the other participant became Love, I couldn’t create without her participation. My overall feeling therefore shifted from Disappointed to Grateful. I am so excited to share my work with a photographer and an artist, it will allow us to reinforce the connection and go even deeper- it is in fact, perfect.
That in a nutshell is my work and what I am jumping up and down excited to share with you- because it feels so good and makes even the struggles kind of fun. Inner mountain climbing if you will.
The core of my work, which I will share in each and every session as it requires an entire mind shift is based on the circles (video here) and the triangles above.
Sharing with Love,
Be The Harvest,
Fawna
Registration for Inner Harvest Sessions, Calgary and Longview, Individual or Entire Series
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
BLOOM
So, you've taken the moment to stop and plant. You've looked inside and seen clearly what's been driving you. You've seen the difference between ego and True Self and you even know how to turn up the volume on True Self and volume down (or out) on ego. YES- you did! At this point you have a better sense of who you are and Wow- you may even like her.
In Bloom we will appreciate your unique essence and what you have to bring to the Whole. You are an invaluable piece and your expression matters.
Your expression matters.
This step is about clarity and standing in your true power- picture a rose in bloom.
To get a sense of this workshop I invite you to remember a time when you felt confident- even if it was years ago and only for a moment. Go into that feeling , it's a YES feeling, now- imagine that as a stabilized sense of being. Supported by Spirit ( ever loving, ever proud Divine Mother and Father) you are in the spotlight AND loving it.
My goal is to make this our new normal :)
No buts,
Love you,
To register http://www.innerharvest.eventbrite.com
Fawna
Monday, September 9, 2013
SPROUT
Sprout, like emerging from a deep sleep, moving from that fetal position and stretching the arms and the legs out, moving from tight to relaxed.
At this point we will be exploring the HOW of Albert Einsteins quote “No problem can be solved from the level of consciousness that it was created”. Like “Be the Change” from Ghandi we have an instinctual nod and ‘yes’ to this statement, and then what? How do I change my level of consciousness, I know I need to see the bigger picture, or see this in the light, but how?
Just as a seedling finds its way to the light naturally, so are we drawn out of our darkness and into new awareness.
In this workshop we will experience this shift and discuss tools to make this a more stable place of being.
So for a taster, close your eyes and take whatever issue pops in to head in with you. Picture yourself in a seed, in a tight container where you can’t see. Then in your minds eye, with your problem in your hand stretch into the light. Be willing to see it differently and then receive your helpful information, be open to hearing it through the day, as we will discuss in session two- the Wisdom is always talking to you. Okay, then let me know if this works because I am free styling it here, listening to what to write- ha ha ha.
Calgary sessions are scheduled to begin Wednesday, September 18 at Wolf Willow Studio
Longview sessions are scheduled to begin Saturday, September 21, at my house
Registration and more info. here http://www.innerharvest.eventbrite.com.
Take your day lightly,
I love you,
Fawna
Friday, September 6, 2013
PURIFY
Okay, workshop #3 will be Purify, if you haven’t been following I am doing a daily cover on each of the 6 workshops I will be offering in the Fall, the Inner Harvest Series.
This might be my favourite part...The awareness of the voices in my head has certainly been beneficial!
Once you stop (PLANT) and SENSE, you too will become aware of voices in your head. In this workshop we will look at the boom of the ego and the whisper of Your Inner Wisdom (Ninja?) and how to switch those volumes around.
Using the plant analogy, the plants use both roots and leaves to filter out toxic and unwanted items, we will be looking at how to sort and welcome nourishment into our growing Self Identities. How to search through the cluttered mind, with the aide of spirit and the body and decide what you want to keep and what you don’t want to keep. Even just realizing that you have a choice is a great freedom!
So, for an immediate little taster...You may have read this before but I’m asking you to take it a step further.
THE TWO WOLVES A CHEROKEE STORY
A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.
The old Grandfather said to his grandson, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy. Hate is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.”
"It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offence when no offence was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But the other wolf, is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper.”
"He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit.”
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”
The Grandfather smiled and said, "The one I feed."
So for the next day just notice, just notice which wolf you are feeding. What are you telling yourself? What are you hearing? What are you reinforcing and who is being fed?
AND then- send me a note, I want to hear how it went.
To go deeper into this and have some great experiences of how easy it is to hear the ‘good wolf’ please join us in Longview or in Calgary- Details Here
Tomorrow we will tap into SPROUT- moving from the darkness to the light,
Happy Weekend, I Love You.
Fawna
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