Watching Cancer through Fawna’s Groovy Miracle Goggles

3 days???? This could be a book of a blog over just the past three days.


I guess going with what is happening now, the recent news that We are experiencing a recurrence of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma changes the face of this blog somewhat. I may have to change the name to EveryMinute Aha- it has been a wild ride already.


A bit of background, in 2000 when I was 28 and Jake and Paige were 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 we were shocked to find ourselves spending months attending to and healing from a Stage IV
Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. Treatment consisted of High Dose Chemo with a Stem Cell Rescue, Radiation, Chinese Medicine with Acupuncture, Prayer, prayer, prayer, meditation, self inquiry and other mind taming tricks. I am using plurals here as it was definitely not a solo journey. My family, friends and community seemed to take the whole thing as a personal affront. The support was beyond words.


Fast forward 12 years and we are back in the saddle again (did I like this horse or what?). In the meantime we have enjoyed great health, to the point of having a Miracle baby and actually forgetting at times why people would ask ‘how is your health?’.


I have been dealing with a sore throat for almost a year, intensifying in September when I began to go to the doctor to see what the heck was going on. After several visits yielded no action or information I tried Acupuncture, Energy Healing, and just about every trick in my bag of magic.


I have to mention here that my point of view may be different to some. In October I finished the workbook for A Course In Miracles and this, combined with 12 + years of seeking, led to the direct experience of Spirit within. This had been a regular occurrence during the first trek with Cancer, as a gift of Grace rather than a state that I could enter regularly. Due to this the past few months, while on the outside looking like I have been ‘suffering’ or ill, have been tremendously powerful in my journey to know my True Self.


To be brief in this initial blog as it is more about just getting the info. out there, I noticed layers and layers of control, of self hate, of judgement and of beliefs in separation. My goal is peace of mind, so while in physical appearance moving backwards I have been experiencing bounds of healing in the mind.


Details: after months of trying everything to feel better I returned to my general practitioner at the beginning of March. In the month of February I had developed a mass in my nose that I was calling a polyp (I googled it), the doctor seemed horrified and quickly referred me to an ENT. I waited a week and 1/2 to hear back and bam- the polyp seemed to take a growth spurt, adding on another growth in my neck. At this point I called and said I thought maybe we were getting to emergency stage. They reacted.


On the 21st of March I saw an ear, nose and throat doctor, he did a biopsy and ordered a CT scan. By the following Tuesday the results were in.


And now we are into the past three days. Thursday, Dusty and I returned to the ENT who had the unenviable position of telling me that it was an aggressive recurrence of the Lymphoma and that he had already arranged for us to be at the Cancer Centre the next day.


I was crying before we left the office, but observing at the same time, no judgement in the observing but noticing that my sadness was an overwhelming guilt “how could I have done this again”, sadness that I had to give this news to my parents and my kids...
We blew out quite a few F-bombs as the information sunk in. We began to put the word out and it has been a wildfire ever since. As I processed the guilt, the fear thoughts, the threats on the inside, we joined friends for lunch and went through the motions on the outside. Told our families, cried a bit more, talked to one another.


I put the word out to my healer friends and a few were immediately called to action. Notably, Velva Dawn Silver Hughes, Stacy Sully, Nouk Sanchez and Gayle Fathoullin. Within a couple of hours I had energy treatments, healing circles and cutting edge mind healing information coming my way, childcare for the next day fell into place easily (thank you Tracy,Mom and Da). I realize that there have also been anonymous light workers who went into action immediately.


I told Jake and Paige that night, they were amazing, Gus is 6 so we will let him know as we go along.


Sinking into bed that night we were pretty much shocked (probably still there now).


Friday morning was a GORGEOUS sunset and we trekked into the city, pretty much ready for whatever. The Doctors were amazing and looked like children on Christmas morning when we told them that we thought I had extra stem cells stored there. As it had been rapid they did a Bone Marrow Biopsy- which I did not suffer with, and made the current plan which is full CT Scan on tuesday and Chemotherapy starting on April 9th. In the meantime they will meet with their team and decide what to do in this “extremely unusual” case.


In the midst of this I continue my mind watching (often in the middle of the night)- I believe in spontaneous healing and miracles so I continued to be bit perplexed that I had done so much inside work (where I believe the problem starts) and nothing was changing. I had gotten the message several times to “pull it out by the root” but apparently hadn’t gotten to the root yet. What I noticed Friday morning was a belief that the ‘doctors’ would save me. Nothing wrong with this, but standing in the way of a
Miracle. The quality of this belief was fear rather than faith, a belief in my victimhood- good to see and ask to see it correctly.


Dusty and I were ‘punchy’ at the doctor, in the car and in the pub where we met my brother (who had texted that he had heard that beer cures Cancer- my brother is not a doctor- please do not use this as medical advice). Dark humour punctuated the day.


I had a powerful long distance energy treatment with Stacy Sully that evening (message me if you want more details) and spent the evening with friends.


Saturday was crazy as the healing and helping forces around me went onto high alert. Notably a healing circle to coincide with Earth hour was organized (I felt it - thank you), I met with some Mighty Companions- spiritual teacher/student friends online, and at noon I got a phone call. The idea of changing my diet had been sprinkling in and I was paying attention, at the same time I was getting the message to give no effort- do what was easily given.


Part of what has come up over the past few months is how I’ve built a life around me to be ‘needed’. Everyone needed me (ha ha). Letting go of that has been a healing and a relief- and it continues. So on Saturday morning I was committed to allowing, receiving and ‘saying YES’.


At noonish on Saturday Velva Dawn called me with an urgency. She had recently come across the work of Medical Intuitive and Hay House Author Caroline M. Sutherland. Velva Dawn felt guided to purchase me a reading with her, but it wouldn’t go through. Not being able to get it to work she emailed Caroline, expecting to hear from a secretary or representative in a few days. She went back to her taxes and almost immediately had a return email. It was Caroline Sutherland, instructing her to call right away. Dawn called her and Caroline was straight to the point “Drive over there and get her to call, I will do a reading now”. Velva Dawn called me, gave the short version and was here 10 minutes later. We called right away and without a pause Caroline began downloading a diet and treatment regime, it took all of Velva Dawn’s typing skills to keep up. It was fast, effortless, and more important felt entirely Divinely guided.


I have resisted diet changes in the past. During the first Cancer bout I was not guided, prompted or moved to make any changes and enjoyed Fruit Loops cereal for most of my healing time. I say this to emphasize that my belief is that no answer is the answer- go as you are guided.


No Milk, No sugar, No Wheat, No Caffeine were the first 4 things. Velva Dawn took it all down and went to town for supplies, only one item could not be found and she immediately thought of another friend who picked it up and drove it directly to my house- 2 hours away!!! No effort on my part (other than to fully receive- yikes).


My next two dear guests- Jodi and Shannon- both family and friends brought all the mix in’s for paralyzers, goodies, and Tiramasu. Normally I would have dove into this with gusto- but there was no urge what so ever! Confirmation. I felt a slight pull to people please and not tell them that I wasn’t eating sugar- an old pattern that I was particularly good at. I resisted and let them know and they happily consumed some, leaving the rest for my family to enjoy.


I put the news out on Facebook and continue to be amazed with the words, the sentiments, the support- the witness’s to the fact that we are all connected.


Miracles continue, I had awareness of the Healing Circle, dinner arrived, groceries arrived.


My final thoughts- or this is going to be excessively long- is just to see the ‘payoff’ of being sick. I noticed this last time, but this time I am committed to enjoying the openness, the permission to follow my heart, the permission to rest, the permission to speak your mind that comes with a life threatening illness- I want to enjoy all of this beyond the sickness and thereby give it no reason to return. If you want to know where my mind is going please watch this interview with Nouk Sanchez- we do not need to suffer, we do not need to get sick and we do not need to die (!).


I love you, and I am so happy to share the Miracles- I have found that often people are imagining me suffering while I am basking in the amazingness. No need to suffer. How am I now? I have a visible bulge on the right nostril and a visible large mass filling that nostril, there is a noticeable lump on the left side of my neck, the roof of my mouth and the back of my throat. I have no pain and I am at Peace (other than the 6 year old who wants the computer NOW).