Monday, October 10, 2011
My desire at this time is to share freely. In the Course In Miracles it talks about 'teaching to learn'- please take this blog in this way and not as a lecture, you and are the same and so the need for teacher and student is only helpful as a concept to remembering who we are.
This morning in my meditation I saw myself floating on the ocean. The ocean is a symbol for the 'Universe' for me- 'the One'. There are many metaphors about us being waves upon the ocean- moments of separate experience, but never truly separate. In this vision I saw myself floating upon the ocean in a life jacket. In my case I am quite content in my life jacket, floating along merrily enjoying the scenery. A whisper on the wind began to call "take it off"- "you don't need it"- "you can swim". I argued "but I need my life jacket" (even there I love that it is called a 'life' jacket).
Above all I want to be free, I want to be fearless, I want to extend and create. In this image I could see how my life jacket - in the guise of creating safety - was preventing me from going deeper, preventing me from swimming.
This was a bright orange life jacket, but I could sense that it was woven of the worlds needs of me... Mother, Daughter, Wife, Employee- very, very needed. Now this is the part where the ego freaks out- "you mean I have to let go of my kids in order to be free!!!" lol- I feel it!
What the voice on the wind says is that 'you need lose nothing- only the mistaken images of yourself', the life jacket is woven of the lies that I tell myself- that I must be vigilant, that I must be on guard, that I must look after everything and that I have many choices, demands and decisions. And I wove it. In my fear of freedom, in my fear to truly trust and just swim.
Even now I feel the resistance to it. In my meditation I asked "who put this on me"- of course I did! Even with this awareness I couldn't see myself taking it off- I loosened a couple of toggles so I could swim a little freer.
What I have gained is some insight - useful on the way to freedom- and the sound of that voice echoes- you can swim, you can swim, you can swim.