Sunday, March 17, 2013

Note to Shareholders: More Changes at Corporation of Fawna

The Aha that I had this morning is complex so I’m hoping to capture it here, it may be confusing, and that hasn’t stopped me before :)  This one is for my cousin Rod who claims to need a Fawna Decoder ring.

I woke up early this morning with my taxes on my mind.  I need to get my bookwork into my accountant 2 weeks ago.  Despite this I spent yesterday reading and writing, I am really sure what my purpose and function are right now and am hungry to give my time to these pursuits.  This doesn’t change the physical reality that it appears that I need to get my bookwork in, I have all of 2012 to do- and last week I reached out and I believe I’ve found a great person to do them.  The problem is I can’t just take what I have- it’s a bit of a mess- not as bad as in the past but it will take a day to organize, once the organization is done I might as well do the data entry myself.  This was my morning inner dialogue.  As you know I have become quite good at watching for signs of guilt, I want to live a fearless life so removing these blocks to Love has become an automatic response.  It wasn’t hard to see the guilt in this.  This morning however I saw something built on a treatment yesterday and recent events at my workplace (I love it when it all comes together like this).

I have had several people reach this place of “this is it” while on my table the last few weeks.  I know the feeling- it happened to me in Peco’s in an energy session with Stacy Sully.  “It” is a state of normal more normal than normal (ha ha ha), it is a place of ease and nothing is wrong and yet it is not a ‘heightened’ state, not happy, not excited- it just IS.  In this place energetically the mind is quiet and the spirit and body are in direct communication.

Another piece of the story is my recent trip to Hawaii- stay with me- I am going to pull this all together. My friend Velva Dawn was being diligent about her exercise, she’s been at it long enough to be craving it.  Me, not so much.  So when she asked me to join her in a hill climb I said “NO, I don’t want to but Spirit says I am”.  We went for that walk and it was complete ease, we were shocked as we felt almost ‘pushed’ up the hill.

Okay, the Ranch part.  So, in July my brother Joel and I became Co-Directors of Stampede Ranch for Kids.  We have been finding our way over the last couple of months and last week we realized that we needed a Manager.  We both want to be directors, neither of us want to manage.  We took over this position from our Mom and Dad, our Mother is a master manager.  Our parents were not as keen on some of the aspects of directing that we both like.  This is all good.

Okay, back to corporation of Fawna.  What I realized when I looked this morning is that under the directorship of the Ego, my managers (mind) in charge of organization, exercise, tooth care and nutrition were surly rebels who had grown as resistant as our 14 year old.  We are now into a 3 week 'clean your room' stand off.  Despite the fact that she can’t have her computer until she cleans her room she chooses to not clean her room under her parents unfair reign of terror.  This is what The Living Miracles organization calls “the Authority Problem”.  Where it is wily in the Ego’s case is that it is self fulfilling and self propelling, causing me to remain in a space of guilt and worry, away from the present moment where Truth (God, Love, Nature, All that Is) exists.

So, effective immediately, the managers of organization, exercise, nutrition and tooth care are under the leadership of Spirit.  Spirit is patient, loving, kind and all knowing- perfect for the job.  It may take some time for these managers to regain trust in leadership.  This should reflect in better service to shareholders.

So then I ask, Who am I in this?  Am I the shareholder?  No.  Are there just some limits to a metaphor?  Of Course!  I’ve been loving the writings of Ramana Maharshi and other Indian Guru’s recently, he directs us to keep asking the question “Who AM I?”.  In this moment I believe I am the ‘experiencer’ of the corporation.  As it becomes more aligned under the Loving God instead of the Punishing God (who idolizes death) my experience becomes easier, more loving, abundant, clear and care free.

That’s actually not that complex is it.  Thanks for being with me in this.
Love, Fawna

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Memo: Controller Reassignment

I’ve structured the day for meditation, then the 7-8 craze of wake up and off to school.  Generally this time of day turns this mild, mannered Mother Theresa (lol) into a raving lunatic, to the point that when they leave at 8 I collapse in gratitude and have the sense I have climbed Everest- every. morning.

This morning I actually got up and did my meditation (I said structured, not universally applied :)).  I entered the 7:00 space at 7:10- unflustered and in a witness space.  I noticed the Mother and I heard, "there she is- mothering".  Just like a tree- just treeing.  So, I watched her Mother and then I felt this urge, this temptation, this compulsion to “get your socks, have you had breakfast, turn off the TV- who let you have that”.  I thought- who the hell is that- is that the Mother?  Is the Mother a nagging yeller?  Ideally no- but heck - isn’t that what we have been experiencing?

Nope, this was not the truth of Mother- it was the Controller.

There is nothing wrong with the controller - there is nothing wrong with anything.  In the corporation of Fawna though this is a poor use of a good ability.

So I noticed the controller and I said “No, you allow the Mother to mother, where is a good place for you”.

My habit now is to ask Holy Spirit- what do I do with the controller?  Reassignment.

I have put the controller on notice, she is now elevated, promoted to one and only one role.

Choose Love.

I felt better at 8:00 today than I have in the past.

I Love You-

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Other People

It’s funny how the idea of ‘other people’ can sneak in and sabotage.  

This morning I was starting a fire, preparing for a client and I was hearing the word ‘nurture’.  “Oh that’s nice I thought, there is a message for L.”, then more started coming in about “the wellspring inside of us and how everything on the outside (in the world) is a pale comparison to what is available to us when we tap into Truth.”  I was preparing the wording in my head and the timing, do I tell her or do I just see if it comes up naturally? Meanwhile I was also thinking, I need to eat, I need a coffee, I need a bath.  

BAM- and this is why this blog is called Everyday Aha, I heard “Why do you need a bath?”.  I like the bath because it makes me feel warm and centered, comfortable.  I need the food because it will satisfy my hunger, coffee comforts me and wakes me up.’s the thing, the premise I’m living from now is that this is not true, these feelings- comfort, warmth, centered come from inside- are always available and in a richer format than when we look outside.  Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean I’m not going to eat and bathe, I’m just not willing to forget (for very long) where my true comfort lies.  This idea of inside out living is becoming real for me, it is proving itself (as premises do) and I will be sharing more on it as time goes by.  

My point here is that often the advice we are giving, or the good idea’s we have are for ‘other people’.  As a teacher and a healer I can get hung up on ‘knowing things’- heck it shows up as a wife and mother fairly often too!  Okay, I’m going in, in to the wellspring to get connected.  I can’t give what I don’t have.  

Love You!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Justify or Trust

I’m sitting here in Hawaii and I realize that my most common reason for blogging is- there is so much.  There is so much happening under the surface.  All through the time before this latest cancer event, during and now after I have such a sense of the outside life and the inside life.  I realize metaphysically that there is no truth to an inside and outside life, it is just a way of describing.

What I’m moved to share about is Trust.  When my friend Velva Dawn invited me to come to her house in Hawaii I felt an immediate YES.

Side story:  The day before leaving I held a workshop in Calgary, “Basics of Inner Discovery”.  I did a loose framework but felt strongly that showing people that they can easily discern a ‘body yes’ and a ‘body no’ would be of value.  One participant shared that “If this is all I get out of today it is more than worth it”.  What was lovely was that each person got a different sensation with the ‘yes’ and ‘no’- affirmation that while we are all truly connected, the map is unique for each of us- hence requiring the tuning in process.

So, in October she had also planned a trip to Hawaii- a bit of a celebration of completing the cancer cycle of 2012.  At that time I felt a strong body ‘no’ - after getting the no I filled in the blanks with lots and lots of stories/rationalizations of why, some that came back and bit me in the butt.  What I mean by this is, that in the rationalization of not going I mentioned the cost, wanting to travel with my husband instead, etc.  When I got a strong yes to this trip I had to answer to why, only a couple of months later, these were no long valid reasons.  I’m learning that, as A Course In Miracles says, “I don’t know what anything is for” and a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ are sufficient.

I trusted the Yes this time and as soon as I committed the blocks to love started to show up.  $$$$, “what do you think you are doing taking a trip without your family/husband”, “I deserve this, I had a shit year last year”.  With both the justifications for and against going causing waves in the trust and knowing of the ‘yes’.

This time I trusted the yes, sinking into it, allowing the turbulence to be and to pass, and as usual, if I don’t fight with them or buy into them, they do pass.

We have spent the week in this trust.  Spending today quietly together but apart, each in our own space checking in periodically- such a relief from the neediness that can invade the relationship and produce tension.  Each of us trusting our prompts throughout the week has led it to feeling like a month, has produced experience after experience of ‘completion’ and ‘contentment’.

Looking forward to bringing this home.  As usual I invite you to share how this resonates with you.