Last Thursday, after years of agonizing, a ridiculous number of coaching conversations and layers of unpeeling the onion I launched a book about my Cancer story.
Of course like real birth in retrospect it could not be forced before it’s time, it was not actually in my control and as I see in my children- it has a life of it’s own.
On Wednesday the birthing pains started in earnest. I have come to know when something is ‘ready’ and this was definitely the feeling- hours of proofreading and consistent prompts (despite my meagre arguments) from Inner Wisdom led me to ‘just get it out’ onto Kindle on Thursday evening.
Rather than an advertisement what I want to share here is the aftermath. I have now spent 3 days with diarrhea. I recognized some time ago that instead of fear I will often experience diarrhea. There is a fear of exposure, of rejection, of judgment and most of all my power, I noticed that I’m afraid of power because somewhere in me I think I could hurt someone, and somewhere in me I want to hurt someone. My Power is Love, Love can only Love, real love cannot hurt.
I could blame this on the flu going around, but unfortunately on the course I’ve taken I no longer wish to reinforce that anything outside of us has power over us. Obviously (by the sprinting I’ve been doing) this is still a mental concept and has not become embodied.
Instead of processing or analyzing this this time I am just going with it. Sinking into what ‘is’ knowing that in Truth I am safe, and not only safe, but harmless.
With the book, with this blog, in personal practice this is the direction that I am setting my compass- on Innocence.
If this sounds good to you, please sail away with me.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
photo from : http://www.ascensionearth2012.org
The metaphor of the ego showing up as fog has been coming to me and the people that are in sessions with me time and time again. By ego I mean suffering, the false self, the ‘little me’, that part of us that feels scared and powerless.
Sometimes when I experience the word or picture of fog it breaks out into ‘fear of God’, when I can see it for what it is it seems less scary and less real.
A few weeks ago in a session a client asked a fantastic question. “What causes fog?” We discussed how fog, in the most basic of descriptions, is caused by temperature differentials coming up against each other.
Yesterday in a session we could see clearly that there was the light of Truth shining and always available and the person and the only thing between the two was fog. Fighting the fog is well, just think about it, can you fight the fog? A little like shadow boxing, a little like a lot of us are experiencing here, right?
Eventually the sun burns the fog away.
So how is this metaphor actually helpful, how can we apply it here and now. My current mission is titled “bringing heaven to earth”. My current belief system holds that heaven IS here, now but that it is out of my awareness because of the fog, and I am creating the fog.
I want to experience the sun, here, now. So what can I do? The answer I get is to stay warm, be warm, bring warmth. In every situation there is a chance and a choice point to ‘close’- shut down the heart- the fire- the warmth or to ‘open’. We may not always be aware of this choice because the pattern of protection and guarding (closing down) has been reinforced many times. As Brene Brown’s work says, vulnerability takes courage. Vulnerability, staying open (I picture my big white dog and how he lays on his back for anyone- winning them over and bringing Peace) takes courage. The root of courage- cour, comes from ‘heart’.
So to bring it!
1. Remember what you want (if you are like me you want Love- happiness, peace- the whole enchilada). Purpose is the first choice.
2. Drop out of the head (the head is in charge of ‘danger, danger’- it is a memory bank- the reinforcer)
3. Drop into the heart.
4. Stay warm, sense the temptation to close or shut down and go back to #1.
5. You are Love, so what you are asking for is natural- your true state may be long forgotten, but it is accessible here and now.