Thursday, December 19, 2013

Everyday Aha: Little Piece of Black Tape

Everyday Aha: Little Piece of Black Tape: Last week I had the engine light on my vehicle come on.  We are heading on a long trip so this seemed to be a concern, but as is a practice ...

Little Piece of Black Tape

Last week I had the engine light on my vehicle come on.  We are heading on a long trip so this seemed to be a concern, but as is a practice now it ended up teaching me a few things, the lesson was cemented by my brother who said “a little piece of black tape works”, having found out it was the catalytic converter I thought he was talking about tape there- but no, he meant put a piece of black tape over the check engine light, ha ha.

The message I was taking in about the light was how I would focus on it, trying and trying to make it go away and yes, even blocking it with my hand while I drove.  The warning light is benign of course, like things that go wrong in our life, only a signal- a hey, hey - look deeper.

How often though do I end up dealing with the messages and disregard looking deeper?

Every perception that we have is an engine light, when we are at peace- no engine lights, no warnings, no ‘hey,hey’.  When we have any negative feeling at all it is a call to lift the hood and look inside.

Painting the engine light, a piece of black tape, or my hand would hide it for a bit.  I could have even disconnected the wiring to the engine light.  The metaphor for this is how we disconnect- drinking, watching TV, food, work- also benign, neutral, distracting but I’m not suggesting ‘bad’.  Like a soother temporarily helpful, but never satisfying the hunger.

What is the hunger, what is the engine trouble?  To completely skip ahead it is our perceived separation.  From one another and from the Infinite, All Powerful, Creator.  This is me, your mechanic of the moment postulating, after seeing many engines this is probably the problem.  This does not negate the need to go in and take a look and fix it.  Not a mechanic?  Not a meditator?  Not familiar with embodiment or energy work?  Not an enlightened Master (yet)?  No matter, there are friends who are.  They will go with you, they will show you the way until you become your own mechanic.

First we look, then we assess, then we fix.  I’m gonna go beyond the ‘wow, that’s a neat metaphor’ and spill all the beans here.

Look = meditation, inner work, focussing on awareness, noticing, follow it all the way back (“What’s Behind this?” again and again until you reach a space of THIS IS IT.

Assess = ask yourself, ask your highest Divine self, ask the Divine “IS THIS TRUE?” for everything you find.

Fix = Forgive, now having seen clearly what the engine trouble is (false beliefs), say, ummm, I don’t want this anymore, I choose ____________________.

Believe me, nothing is ‘unfixable’- in the end you find that nothing was ever broken and the engine lights are reset to ‘all is well’.

I love you.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Good Morning!

Yesterday I was on the verge of cancelling the Calgary sessions of Inner Harvest, there are ‘only’ 2 participants registered.  As you can imagine this seemed to cause me some suffering.

Through practice I have come to a place where I can catch this suffering and recognize it for what it is, a misalignment, a perspective and nothing more.

This morning I am in such a different perspective, in full gratitude that the 2 participants are an artist and a photographer and their perspectives on the revelations that I will share will help me to see deeper.

From the point of view that I was at yesterday I was seeing “is this worth my time and money”.  I am not saying that this is not a valuable question, it is definitely worth looking at WITHOUT JUDGMENT.  There’s the rub, to this conversation I also brought some blame and shame- they are kind of like thing one and thing two in the Cat in the Hat- they cause mayhem with the Peace.

I felt confused.

I started to reach outwards in desperation, asking my marketing friends their opinions and luckily sending an honest note to the owner of Wolf Willow studio.  I say luckily because her response was honest. Open conversation facilitates decision making.  I am going to use this picture to describe what happened in my mind.

From the viewpoint of ‘not enough time and not enough money’ I was in victim.  In victim I am afraid, when I’m afraid I have two options- fight or flight.  Those little rascals blame and shame were saying “you didn’t start soon enough”, “none wants to come- who do you think you are”, “Michelena is going to want to be paid anyway and you are going to be out money”, “You should just bail on it, it’s not worth it”.  They were having a real party in there.  I will flesh out the characters a little.  The victim in this story played (very well I might add) by Fawna Bews, Bully played by Fawna Bews inner voices, Michelena, everyone who should come to the workshop and isn’t.  Rescuers played by other workshop participant, Michelena (in my victim hopes that she would say- ‘hey, don’t worry about it, just let it go’), my marketing friends.  Now, let me mention that I assigned all of these roles, my choice- I am the Director :)

So, with Faith, and I realize this morning that that can be faith in yourself or Faith in something bigger, Faith in the Truth of who I am.  My believe, my faith is that there is a bigger plan, that I am provided for, that we are all connected (so numbers really don’t matter).

This shot me into the other Triangle, as creator it is so much fun, Michelena in her honesty became security, secure in that I can trust her to tell me her truth and she will provide amazing space for the workshop, the other participant became Love, I couldn’t create without her participation.  My overall feeling therefore shifted from Disappointed to Grateful.  I am so excited to share my work with a photographer and an artist, it will allow us to reinforce the connection and go even deeper- it is in fact, perfect.

That in a nutshell is my work and what I am jumping up and down excited to share with you- because it feels so good and makes even the struggles kind of fun.  Inner mountain climbing if you will.

The core of my work, which I will share in each and every session as it requires an entire mind shift is based on the circles (video here) and the triangles above.

Sharing with Love,
Be The Harvest,
Registration for Inner Harvest Sessions, Calgary and Longview, Individual or Entire Series

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


So, you've taken the moment to stop and plant.  You've looked inside and seen clearly what's been driving you.  You've seen the difference between ego and True Self and you even know how to turn up the volume on True Self and volume down (or out) on ego.  YES- you did!  At this point you have a better sense of who you are and Wow- you may even like her.

In Bloom we will appreciate your unique essence and what you have to bring to the Whole.  You are an invaluable piece and your expression matters.  

Your expression matters.  

This step is about clarity and standing in your true power- picture a rose in bloom.  

To get a sense of this workshop I invite you to remember a time when you felt confident- even if it was years ago and only for a moment.  Go into that feeling , it's a YES feeling, now- imagine that as a stabilized sense of being.  Supported by Spirit ( ever loving, ever proud Divine Mother and Father) you are in the spotlight AND loving it.

My goal is to make this our new normal :)
No buts,

Love you,
To register

Monday, September 9, 2013


On Friday when I was writing about PURIFY I was thinking “This is my favourite part” and now as I sit to write this I think “This is my favourite part”.  Ha ha ha.  To me this journey of discovery is so VERY FUN- not a serious event to be taken seriously.

Sprout, like emerging from a deep sleep, moving from that fetal position and stretching the arms and the legs out, moving from tight to relaxed.

At this point we will be exploring the HOW of Albert Einsteins quote “No problem can be solved from the level of consciousness that it was created”.  Like “Be the Change” from Ghandi we have an instinctual nod and ‘yes’ to this statement, and then what?  How do I change my level of consciousness, I know I need to see the bigger picture, or see this in the light, but how?

Just as a seedling finds its way to the light naturally, so are we drawn out of our darkness and into new awareness.

In this workshop we will experience this shift and discuss tools to make this a more stable place of being.

So for a taster, close your eyes and take whatever issue pops in to head in with you.  Picture yourself in a seed, in a tight container where you can’t see.  Then in your minds eye, with your problem in your hand stretch into the light.  Be willing to see it differently and then receive your helpful information, be open to hearing it through the day, as we will discuss in session two- the Wisdom is always talking to you.  Okay, then let me know if this works because I am free styling it here, listening to what to write- ha ha ha.

Calgary sessions are scheduled to begin Wednesday, September 18 at Wolf Willow Studio
Longview sessions are scheduled to begin Saturday, September 21, at my house

Registration and more info. here

Take your day lightly,
I love you,

Friday, September 6, 2013


Okay, workshop #3 will be Purify, if you haven’t been following I am doing a daily cover on each of the 6 workshops I will be offering in the Fall, the Inner Harvest Series.

This might be my favourite part...The awareness of the voices in my head has certainly been beneficial! 

Once you stop (PLANT) and SENSE, you too will become aware of voices in your head.  In this workshop we will look at the boom of the ego and the whisper of Your Inner Wisdom (Ninja?) and how to switch those volumes around.

Using the plant analogy, the plants use both roots and leaves to filter out toxic and unwanted items, we will be looking at how to sort and welcome nourishment into our growing Self Identities.  How to search through the cluttered mind, with the aide of spirit and the body and decide what you want to keep and what you don’t want to keep.  Even just realizing that you have a choice is a great freedom!

So, for an immediate little taster...You may have read this before but I’m asking you to take it a step further.


A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.

The old Grandfather said to his grandson, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy. Hate is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.”

"It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offence when no offence was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But the other wolf, is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper.”

"He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit.”

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”

The Grandfather smiled and said, "The one I feed."page1image31744

So for the next day just notice, just notice which wolf you are feeding.  What are you telling yourself?  What are you hearing?  What are you reinforcing and who is being fed?  

AND then- send me a note, I want to hear how it went. 

To go deeper into this and have some great experiences of how easy it is to hear the ‘good wolf’ please join us in Longview or in Calgary- Details Here

Tomorrow we will tap into SPROUT- moving from the darkness to the light, 

Happy Weekend, I Love You.

Thursday, September 5, 2013


As we continue to look at the new workshop series we are also looking at steps in a process.  Here is an outline of that process, and I see it as circular, actually I see petals on the flower of life (if you are really visual :)).

Plant  >>  Sense  >>  Purify  >>  Sprout  >>  Bloom  >>  Harvest  

Yesterday we covered plant, basically it is STOP, come to halt so that you can take stock.  

This second workshop is for those of you who are interested in hearing more!  The Universe is always in conversation with you, due to largely unconscious filters we miss most of it.  In this 3 hour session we will explore tuning in, hearing your bodies yes and no and the extra senses (clairaudience, clairvoyance, clairsentience, claircognizance).  This is taking a survey of your situation as it is right now from an expanded viewpoint.  We will also take a trip through the Chakra’s and discuss the practical use of this information.  

Perhaps you feel that this doesn’t apply to you.  The truth is that being able to sense better makes EVERYTHING easier, leads to better understanding and simplifies decision making.  The other misconception is that you can’t do it, “ha ha ha” I say, I haven’t met anyone yet who cannot tap into whatever information that they truly want to.  

There is no need to wait for the workshop, you can start now (NOW is all we have).  Make the decision to hear the Universe, to be open to your questions being answered and LISTEN.  

I have used the example before that many of us are good at asking and then terrible at listening, imagine driving into a McDonalds and ordering a burger and then never driving forward!  

A hint at how you might hear is to close your eyes and imagine your last vacation.  Notice how you sense it, is it the sights?  the sounds?  the feelings?  Use that as a guide to how you might sense the easiest, for example if I SEE my vacation then I may be more attuned to visual information, when I ask the Universe a question I will look for visual input- signs, dreams, I’ve even heard of people receiving answers in a license plate on the car in front of them. 

If you want to explore this further in a group format the registration is here: and the dates for SENSE are Sept. 25 in Calgary and Sept. 28 in Longview.  

Any questions about this?

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


Fall is here, one of my favourite and most productive times of the year.  I love the smell of the cool air and school supplies.  I have not blogged since the flood June 20, 2013 in our area, this is mostly because I have a log jam of a blog in me that has yet to burst forth.  She is sitting at the gestational stage a little longer than most as she has required some development on my part.  The great thing about being hooked into Divine timing vs. prior concepts of when a blog should be delivered is that I can relax and not beat myself up too badly (working towards not at all!).
With this life cycle in mind I would like to use this space to flesh out the Fall workshop schedule so that you can feel into how this might fit for you.  This will be a 6 part workshop series, mid September to end of October and will be running in Longview and Calgary with an online self study in development.  Each workshop is a stand alone or you may choose to do all 6 and complete a process.  Over the next 6 days I will offer some pre-information, but please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

PLANT  (Register Here)

Even as I write this I sigh.  Whirling Dervish?  Tornado?  Hamster on a wheel?  Do any of these descriptors suit you?  or on the flip side- STUCK, INERT which is the exhausted version of the same.
We are busy.  In body and in mind.  Despite the piles of articles (almost every popular magazine is now talking about it) supporting meditation most of us feel that it is near impossible, or we have tried and failed.
“My mind is just too busy for meditation”.  In this workshop we will go there, there is nothing like embodiment to get a real sense for something, no matter how many books you read about riding a bike you will not get it until you get on.
We will go through the layers that keep us from STOPPING and look at the immense value of doing so.  In only 3 hours you will come away with a sense of what works for you and how you can put this into practical application in your life, immediately.  We will look at and feel concrete ways of grounding and connecting, stilling the body/mind so that the inner whisper can begin to be heard.
If you feel like you are one of those dry dandelion seeds blown about by the wind, yearning to settle and express yourself in a bigger way this workshop will appeal.  If you are feeling exhausted and unable to move but unhappy in the process, essentially planted in the much, we will go through how to find WHERE you want to settle your roots in and how to do that.
I feel like I should offer you some data as to the benefits of stopping and grounding and at the same time- isn’t it inherent?  We know it’s good for us, we just don't know HOW.
I’d love to hear your thought’s on this.  With Love,

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Blown Away?

Feeling ungrounded?  I have the image of the dandelion in my head, at the moment that they blow away.  Twisting and turning in what seems to be random and possibly even violent movements, sweeping up and dropping down, what a ride that must be.  

Like the dandelion many of us are feeling blown away in this space of time.  Physical experiences of pain, dizziness, tension, emotional tornadoes and even spiritual upheavals.  For many it feels like all that they know is now in question.  Some, like my friends in High River who are without a town in this moment (flood 2013), have been ripped up by their roots and now sit on the potters shelf dry and unsure, waiting to be transplanted and in some cases not even sure they will survive it.  

Take a moment and just allow yourself to completely feel the insecurity, the fear, the disappointment and the uncertainty.  Feel it in a safe place.  I’ve been noticing that it’s a bit like a song, it has a crescendo, a movement of great intensity and then there seems to be a pause, a sigh.  Once truly felt and expressed the listener can hear the pause and then the ... 

 “but, you know...”  

It’s a tentative little tune, almost afraid to utter the words “the good thing about this...”  and like a good song there is a feeling of satisfaction, of completion, of closing the circle.  

This is the landing.  Once landed you can begin to put down roots.  

Where are you going to put down roots?  I don’t mean in a literal sense, although I believe that when you set it in your mind it will happen in form, and I don’t mean in things.  IF things come to mind (and that is absolutely fine) follow it back a little.  For example “I want to root in a new beautiful home”  ask yourself what that would bring you, eg. peace, happiness, safety and root in that.  

Allow your roots to courageously drop into places that you’ve never thought possible before.  Maybe you didn’t feel worthy before, or you were afraid, but that’s over now.  Consciously allow yourself to be planted in Joy, in Love, in Abundance, in Freedom whatever word represents your deepest desire, the desire that underlies boats and businesses and even children.  You don’t have to give up these things, I’m going to say that again, you don’t have to give up these things, enjoy them, recognizing that they are temporary.  

Enjoy the temporary and Value the eternal.  

Drop your roots into the eternal now and grow like never before.  

And so it is (right?) :)

I Love You.  

Friday, May 31, 2013

Creating Tension

The one to one work that I have been doing lately has been delighting me.  Delight is not a word I use often, but it seems to best express the mixture of surprise and joy that I feel when ‘something new’ shows up.  

What I do in a session is feel into the energy of a person.  This usually looks like me holding your feet gently and moving my way up towards the head as guided.  I just stay open to what comes and something always does.  I listen to the body/mind/spirit and I invite you to join in.  Anyways- this is just setting the context for this morning, when I had one of those moments when I am taken off guard with a great visual and reframe.  I have permission from this client to share with you.

What I was seeing in my mind was this person was tethered to a fixed point, like a dog on a chain, but it was more like a leather lead.  She was pulling and pulling and the thoughts were - my past is holding me back, tying me down.  She was creating a lot of tension on the line and that’s exactly what it felt like- tension.   I explained this all to her and she reported that she could feel and see it as well.  In my mind’s eye I suggested some possibilities, untether, pull out from the center, dissolve the leash- but I heard no, no, no.  When this happens I am alerted to ask “Spirit, what would you have us do?”  

Here’s the good part.  The picture modified in my mind.  I saw that what I thought was the past, the centre, was actually the present and what I thought was the future was actually the past, a complete flip.

I shared this with the client and invited her to stop  move towards the present (the centre, the tether) and sit down, allowing the tension to go out of the rope.  Her body and mind immediately relaxed.  When I asked her what she was thinking she said “I’m trying to think but nothing is coming, my mind is resting and I was just listening to the birds!!”  This is a woman with a normally super busy mind, just moments before she had reported that her mind was going a million miles a second.  

I just love the metaphor of this, that we are actually tethered to the present and yet always pulling away from it, choking and exhausting ourselves, barking at everything that goes by.  

I’m going to try and capture more of these as the visuals and their stories are so helpful to me.  For now I am going to move towards the center and relax, letting go of the tension and knowing that I am firmly connected.  

Have a great weekend.  
Love, Fawna

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Everybody Invited!

I am a sucker for those Facebook prom pictures where a popular kid takes an unpopular, autistic or shy kid to the prom.  I got thinking about it today, how it would float if you took a picture of a popular kid with the bully, “Please like my daughter _______ , she noticed that Bob pushed kids down, called them names and was generally rude and disruptive so she asked him to go to the prom.”

I’m not saying that bullying is the same as autism, or Downs Syndrome, but it has similar background pain to shyness and ‘unpopular’.  It is the difference between someone acting as a rabbit and someone acting as a porcupine.  The 'leave me alone' signal is different but it is the same fear of Love, fear of connection and corresponding underlying strong desire for love and connection.  

What REALLY interests me though is that these characters are always playing out in each and every one of us.  As I guide people into a calm state they will say “I am nervous”, or “I feel angry” or “I’m sad” and I will often be guided to say “who is nervous, or angry or sad?”.  As we look deeper we usually find an inner dynamic where there is a part that feels unheard and a part that has been over heard- dominant, handling it, in charge.  Sometimes this inner space can be like a gymnasium over run with inner personalities!

Here’s the fun part, whenever I ask a being of wisdom, holy spirit- whatever word you want to use- to join in, the answer is not what you would expect.

We have been kind of trained into a psychology of ‘let it go’ or ‘leave that behind you’.  Where spirit takes me is always inclusive, allowing everyone to come along for the ride, everyone to be heard, everyone gets to come to the prom.

This means an acknowledgement that you are so much more than these parts that become a temporary identity.  As you look at them and listen to them, with the patience that you would listen to a needy child, they often settle.  Once heard these parts of us shed light on our unconscious beliefs, a sure sign to give understanding to our erratic or confusing emotions and behaviours.  Once understanding enters the picture it is so much easier to forgive.  Rather than letting go of these parts of us they are often transformed.

The ego, neediness and separation, keep these parts of us distorted.  When you get to see the real image through the eyes of love you will see the healed version.

Only love can heal.  Punishment and suffering extend the game of blame and shame.  While this boggles the thinking mind, what can I do then if someone misbehaves?  I ask you to do the inside work first, before you change anything in your actions on the outside.  Learning, change, healing starts at the cause, in the confused mind.

Find your inner bully, find your inner loser, find your inner lifeguard, get a limo.  and take them to the prom.  It’s going to be good.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Giving Birth

Last Thursday, after years of agonizing, a ridiculous number of coaching conversations and layers of unpeeling the onion I launched a book about my Cancer story.

Of course like real birth in retrospect it could not be forced before it’s time, it was not actually in my control and as I see in my children- it has a life of it’s own.

On Wednesday the birthing pains started in earnest.  I have come to know when something is ‘ready’ and this was definitely the feeling- hours of proofreading and consistent prompts (despite my meagre arguments) from Inner Wisdom led me to ‘just get it out’ onto Kindle on Thursday evening.

Rather than an advertisement what I want to share here is the aftermath.  I have now spent 3 days with diarrhea.  I recognized some time ago that instead of fear I will often experience diarrhea.  There is a fear of exposure, of rejection, of judgment and most of all my power, I noticed that I’m afraid of power because somewhere in me I think I could hurt someone, and somewhere in me I want to hurt someone.  My Power is Love, Love can only Love, real love cannot hurt.

I could blame this on the flu going around, but unfortunately on the course I’ve taken I no longer wish to reinforce that anything outside of us has power over us. Obviously (by the sprinting I’ve been doing) this is still a mental concept and has not become embodied.

Instead of processing or analyzing this this time I am just going with it.  Sinking into what ‘is’ knowing that in Truth I am safe, and not only safe, but harmless.

With the book, with this blog, in personal practice this is the direction that I am setting my compass- on Innocence.

If this sounds good to you, please sail away with me.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Stay Warm: Clearing the Fog

photo from :

The metaphor of the ego showing up as fog has been coming to me and the people that are in sessions with me time and time again.  By ego I mean suffering, the false self, the ‘little me’, that part of us that feels scared and powerless.

Sometimes when I experience the word or picture of fog it breaks out into ‘fear of God’, when I can see it for what it is it seems less scary and less real.

A few weeks ago in a session a client asked a fantastic question.  “What causes fog?”  We discussed how fog, in the most basic of descriptions, is caused by temperature differentials coming up against each other.

Yesterday in a session we could see clearly that there was the light of Truth shining and always available and the person and the only thing between the two was fog.  Fighting the fog is well, just think about it, can you fight the fog?  A little like shadow boxing, a little like a lot of us are experiencing here, right?

Eventually the sun burns the fog away.

So how is this metaphor actually helpful, how can we apply it here and now.  My current mission is titled “bringing heaven to earth”.  My current belief system holds that heaven IS here, now but that it is out of my awareness because of the fog, and I am creating the fog.

I want to experience the sun, here, now.  So what can I do?  The answer I get is to stay warm, be warm, bring warmth.  In every situation there is a chance and a choice point to ‘close’- shut down the heart- the fire- the warmth or to ‘open’.  We may not always be aware of this choice because the pattern of protection and guarding (closing down) has been reinforced many times.  As Brene Brown’s work says, vulnerability takes courage.  Vulnerability, staying open (I picture my big white dog and how he lays on his back for anyone- winning them over and bringing Peace) takes courage.  The root of courage- cour, comes from ‘heart’.

So to bring it!
1.  Remember what you want (if you are like me you want Love- happiness, peace- the whole enchilada).  Purpose is the first choice.
2.  Drop out of the head (the head is in charge of ‘danger, danger’- it is a memory bank- the reinforcer)
3.  Drop into the heart.
4.  Stay warm, sense the temptation to close or shut down and go back to #1.
5.  You are Love, so what you are asking for is natural- your true state may be long forgotten, but it is accessible here and now.

Staying Warm,

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Note to Shareholders: More Changes at Corporation of Fawna

The Aha that I had this morning is complex so I’m hoping to capture it here, it may be confusing, and that hasn’t stopped me before :)  This one is for my cousin Rod who claims to need a Fawna Decoder ring.

I woke up early this morning with my taxes on my mind.  I need to get my bookwork into my accountant 2 weeks ago.  Despite this I spent yesterday reading and writing, I am really sure what my purpose and function are right now and am hungry to give my time to these pursuits.  This doesn’t change the physical reality that it appears that I need to get my bookwork in, I have all of 2012 to do- and last week I reached out and I believe I’ve found a great person to do them.  The problem is I can’t just take what I have- it’s a bit of a mess- not as bad as in the past but it will take a day to organize, once the organization is done I might as well do the data entry myself.  This was my morning inner dialogue.  As you know I have become quite good at watching for signs of guilt, I want to live a fearless life so removing these blocks to Love has become an automatic response.  It wasn’t hard to see the guilt in this.  This morning however I saw something built on a treatment yesterday and recent events at my workplace (I love it when it all comes together like this).

I have had several people reach this place of “this is it” while on my table the last few weeks.  I know the feeling- it happened to me in Peco’s in an energy session with Stacy Sully.  “It” is a state of normal more normal than normal (ha ha ha), it is a place of ease and nothing is wrong and yet it is not a ‘heightened’ state, not happy, not excited- it just IS.  In this place energetically the mind is quiet and the spirit and body are in direct communication.

Another piece of the story is my recent trip to Hawaii- stay with me- I am going to pull this all together. My friend Velva Dawn was being diligent about her exercise, she’s been at it long enough to be craving it.  Me, not so much.  So when she asked me to join her in a hill climb I said “NO, I don’t want to but Spirit says I am”.  We went for that walk and it was complete ease, we were shocked as we felt almost ‘pushed’ up the hill.

Okay, the Ranch part.  So, in July my brother Joel and I became Co-Directors of Stampede Ranch for Kids.  We have been finding our way over the last couple of months and last week we realized that we needed a Manager.  We both want to be directors, neither of us want to manage.  We took over this position from our Mom and Dad, our Mother is a master manager.  Our parents were not as keen on some of the aspects of directing that we both like.  This is all good.

Okay, back to corporation of Fawna.  What I realized when I looked this morning is that under the directorship of the Ego, my managers (mind) in charge of organization, exercise, tooth care and nutrition were surly rebels who had grown as resistant as our 14 year old.  We are now into a 3 week 'clean your room' stand off.  Despite the fact that she can’t have her computer until she cleans her room she chooses to not clean her room under her parents unfair reign of terror.  This is what The Living Miracles organization calls “the Authority Problem”.  Where it is wily in the Ego’s case is that it is self fulfilling and self propelling, causing me to remain in a space of guilt and worry, away from the present moment where Truth (God, Love, Nature, All that Is) exists.

So, effective immediately, the managers of organization, exercise, nutrition and tooth care are under the leadership of Spirit.  Spirit is patient, loving, kind and all knowing- perfect for the job.  It may take some time for these managers to regain trust in leadership.  This should reflect in better service to shareholders.

So then I ask, Who am I in this?  Am I the shareholder?  No.  Are there just some limits to a metaphor?  Of Course!  I’ve been loving the writings of Ramana Maharshi and other Indian Guru’s recently, he directs us to keep asking the question “Who AM I?”.  In this moment I believe I am the ‘experiencer’ of the corporation.  As it becomes more aligned under the Loving God instead of the Punishing God (who idolizes death) my experience becomes easier, more loving, abundant, clear and care free.

That’s actually not that complex is it.  Thanks for being with me in this.
Love, Fawna

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Memo: Controller Reassignment

I’ve structured the day for meditation, then the 7-8 craze of wake up and off to school.  Generally this time of day turns this mild, mannered Mother Theresa (lol) into a raving lunatic, to the point that when they leave at 8 I collapse in gratitude and have the sense I have climbed Everest- every. morning.

This morning I actually got up and did my meditation (I said structured, not universally applied :)).  I entered the 7:00 space at 7:10- unflustered and in a witness space.  I noticed the Mother and I heard, "there she is- mothering".  Just like a tree- just treeing.  So, I watched her Mother and then I felt this urge, this temptation, this compulsion to “get your socks, have you had breakfast, turn off the TV- who let you have that”.  I thought- who the hell is that- is that the Mother?  Is the Mother a nagging yeller?  Ideally no- but heck - isn’t that what we have been experiencing?

Nope, this was not the truth of Mother- it was the Controller.

There is nothing wrong with the controller - there is nothing wrong with anything.  In the corporation of Fawna though this is a poor use of a good ability.

So I noticed the controller and I said “No, you allow the Mother to mother, where is a good place for you”.

My habit now is to ask Holy Spirit- what do I do with the controller?  Reassignment.

I have put the controller on notice, she is now elevated, promoted to one and only one role.

Choose Love.

I felt better at 8:00 today than I have in the past.

I Love You-

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Other People

It’s funny how the idea of ‘other people’ can sneak in and sabotage.  

This morning I was starting a fire, preparing for a client and I was hearing the word ‘nurture’.  “Oh that’s nice I thought, there is a message for L.”, then more started coming in about “the wellspring inside of us and how everything on the outside (in the world) is a pale comparison to what is available to us when we tap into Truth.”  I was preparing the wording in my head and the timing, do I tell her or do I just see if it comes up naturally? Meanwhile I was also thinking, I need to eat, I need a coffee, I need a bath.  

BAM- and this is why this blog is called Everyday Aha, I heard “Why do you need a bath?”.  I like the bath because it makes me feel warm and centered, comfortable.  I need the food because it will satisfy my hunger, coffee comforts me and wakes me up.’s the thing, the premise I’m living from now is that this is not true, these feelings- comfort, warmth, centered come from inside- are always available and in a richer format than when we look outside.  Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean I’m not going to eat and bathe, I’m just not willing to forget (for very long) where my true comfort lies.  This idea of inside out living is becoming real for me, it is proving itself (as premises do) and I will be sharing more on it as time goes by.  

My point here is that often the advice we are giving, or the good idea’s we have are for ‘other people’.  As a teacher and a healer I can get hung up on ‘knowing things’- heck it shows up as a wife and mother fairly often too!  Okay, I’m going in, in to the wellspring to get connected.  I can’t give what I don’t have.  

Love You!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Justify or Trust

I’m sitting here in Hawaii and I realize that my most common reason for blogging is- there is so much.  There is so much happening under the surface.  All through the time before this latest cancer event, during and now after I have such a sense of the outside life and the inside life.  I realize metaphysically that there is no truth to an inside and outside life, it is just a way of describing.

What I’m moved to share about is Trust.  When my friend Velva Dawn invited me to come to her house in Hawaii I felt an immediate YES.

Side story:  The day before leaving I held a workshop in Calgary, “Basics of Inner Discovery”.  I did a loose framework but felt strongly that showing people that they can easily discern a ‘body yes’ and a ‘body no’ would be of value.  One participant shared that “If this is all I get out of today it is more than worth it”.  What was lovely was that each person got a different sensation with the ‘yes’ and ‘no’- affirmation that while we are all truly connected, the map is unique for each of us- hence requiring the tuning in process.

So, in October she had also planned a trip to Hawaii- a bit of a celebration of completing the cancer cycle of 2012.  At that time I felt a strong body ‘no’ - after getting the no I filled in the blanks with lots and lots of stories/rationalizations of why, some that came back and bit me in the butt.  What I mean by this is, that in the rationalization of not going I mentioned the cost, wanting to travel with my husband instead, etc.  When I got a strong yes to this trip I had to answer to why, only a couple of months later, these were no long valid reasons.  I’m learning that, as A Course In Miracles says, “I don’t know what anything is for” and a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ are sufficient.

I trusted the Yes this time and as soon as I committed the blocks to love started to show up.  $$$$, “what do you think you are doing taking a trip without your family/husband”, “I deserve this, I had a shit year last year”.  With both the justifications for and against going causing waves in the trust and knowing of the ‘yes’.

This time I trusted the yes, sinking into it, allowing the turbulence to be and to pass, and as usual, if I don’t fight with them or buy into them, they do pass.

We have spent the week in this trust.  Spending today quietly together but apart, each in our own space checking in periodically- such a relief from the neediness that can invade the relationship and produce tension.  Each of us trusting our prompts throughout the week has led it to feeling like a month, has produced experience after experience of ‘completion’ and ‘contentment’.

Looking forward to bringing this home.  As usual I invite you to share how this resonates with you.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Typhoid Mary

A client of mine had a brilliant epiphany during her session this weekend and I felt it was useful to share.

After a bit of a journey she found herself in a place of utter contentment, swimming in a golden river.  Her first instinct was that she wanted to “convince everyone to jump in with her”.

Have you ever had this? You read a book and you want to buy everyone one.  You attend a workshop and leave feeling so full that you call your friends and insist that they HAVE to take it.

We seem to have a natural urge to immediately jump to fixing everyone around us as soon as we feel like we have ‘the answer’.

During a recent workshop Tad Hargrave had us place both hands over our heads and press our hands together (do it now).  He instructed us to push with the Left and relax the Right.  Not one person had their hands pushed to the Left- all hands remained above the heads, implying that the natural reaction to a push is to PUSH BACK.

I also observed this while doing my Masters degree.  While watching tapes of an obviously super intuitive counsellor it was amazing to see that if he jumped to answering a persons ‘problem’ too quickly- to identifying the issue for them, even if he were 100% right they would argue against it.

What a dilemma for those of us who want to change the world, who want everyone to be happy with us.

What happened next for my client was brilliant.  We both felt the ‘offness’ of the word convince and she exclaimed, “I will be CONTAGIOUS- not in a bad way- but I will infect people with this awesomeness."  I am quite sure that this client will be the ‘Typhoid Mary’ of Joy.

Convince vs. Contagious.  Contagious insinuates that there is nothing that you need do of your own effort or volition,  you are just tainted with something and it passes easily.

Imagine sharing your goodness without the attachment to outcomes, those that are ‘fertile soil’ or have a predisposition to your affliction of awesomeness will catch it easily, those that aren’t - won’t- but perhaps you will weakened them a little and their immunity to Happy will be depleted a little.

With the attitude of convincing you tend to throw it out there and when rejected end up feeling two steps back.

This is the root of “Be the Change” Ghandi .  Get infected and spread away.

Love YOU,

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Crossing the River and Sharing

This little meditation  seems to have a life of her own.  I sent it to my friend Tricia Evans, a gifted musician (some of her work).  Trish, Dusty and I made up a third of our elementary school class at Longview school.  She now co-owns Taylor Sound, a recording studio in Calgary, AB.

Within a couple of days Trish had not only a musical impression to back the meditation but a song that wanted to come out of it too.  The song is coming soon...

When I did my vision board this year there is a component that speaks to my love of collaboration, the magic that can happen when you share openly.  What has been evident for Trish and I is the joy of just allowing something- without the need to mould or guard or over-engineer and then to just set it free without expectations.

Marianne Williamson shared the quote on her website this week that “An idea grows stronger when it is shared” from A Course In Miracles.  The idea behind this meditation is that we are naturally okay, the skill to finding this is undoing- taking off the costume.  The problem is that we are very attached to the costumes, so attached in fact that we can’t even see that there may be another way.

I took a part of Tad Hargraves Radical Business Incentive this weekend (my heart called me home for the duration- another story).  I got so much out of just three hours on Friday, but one of the biggies is that I’d like my work focussed around an idea, and here is the idea:

I have this picture in my mind that eventually everyone will have the ability to follow their hearts and it would all work out, if I want an apple I would reach out and it would be someones joy to give it to me, and someone else’s joy to transport it, and someone else’s joy to pick it and someone else’s joy to plant it.  

Here is a link to the meditation with background tunes, it starts a little of the way in: 

Photo 2011, Sarah Pilkington and I in the River :)

Monday, January 14, 2013

Crossing the River - Trying Something New


Okay, after spending 1/2 hour looking for how to video on my Mac I managed to do this, I knew it could be done as my 6 year old has been doing taping himself for two years!!!

Last week I went to a meditation with Christine Wushke

It was great, made me realize that I actually can meditate and have been doing it for some time.

What came up for me were some amazing visuals, these would return each time I closed my eyes over the week and I’ve translated it into a meditation.

My guidance is to ‘throw it out there’- so here it is- less than 15 minutes long. I have invited a friend and musician Trish Evans to see what it inspires in her musically and if moved we will be putting together a more professional version.

Enjoy this gift as I have- and for those who haven’t seen it- my new curly locks.

Transcript (for those of you who are like me and would rather read it!)

Crossing the River Meditation

Stillness invites.  

Deep Breathes.  

Relax, and relax and relax, let go.  

Bring your awareness into focus, what do you hear, what do you smell, what’s going on behind your eyelids, what’s going on in your body, tune in, 

really tune in.

Now move that awareness from your head into your body, the chest, the torso- like a child exploring a new place.  Find a comfortable spot here and allow your awareness to join in the relaxation.

We are going to cross the river.  The river is life.  Picture the river.  you are standing on the shore watching, feel the ground beneath your feet. First we are going to experience ourselves on this side of the river. 

On this side we have a chest, in the chest are three costumes.  You are able to slip these on with such ease that you don’t even notice your movement.  

We don’t like these costumes, but we are compelled to wear them, we are going to explore that.  We haven’t looked at this because we were a little frightened, so we are going to invite another to stand with us.  

See a wise being joining you, a safe and creative being who knows that these are costumes even when you do not.  Even when you have lost yourself in play, this being sees who you really are.

Allow a quiet moment of recognition to harmonize with this being, using any greetings that feel right and settle in together.  This being has been to the other side of the river and assures you that this is worth it.

When you are ready, lift open the chest and place on the first costume.  This costume can be called the victim.  Feel the victim, feel her or him fully, notice your body, notice the words in your head, notice the emotions, notice what you would like to do.  Knowing that your friend is right beside- you fully allow the victim to have his or her say without interruption, judgement or saving.  I will give you time to explore this NOW.  Allow her full expression.

When she feels fully explored you may notice new feelings and thoughts emerging, just watch them.  When she or he feels heard and seen, in this costume you are going to jump into the river and swim across.  

Your arrival on the other side is assured, even if you struggle.  

As you emerge from the river you notice that the costume has fallen off and you are standing there in your Natural state.  What was underneath the victim is the Creator. 

Once again notice how this feels, what you are thinking and what is going on for you.  Take a moment.

From this side of the river you notice that a part of you is still on the other side.  From this side your awareness slips easily back into this you.  This part of you now opens the chest and takes out another costume, this costume is labelled- the attacker, the aggressor.  His or her arm is raised and the whip is in hand, his or her words are ready and aimed.  Remember that your friend is with you and allow yourself to FULLY feel this part of you, experience it with great allowance and abandon.  Notice everything.  When you feel like you would like to swim across the river DONT- allow a little more- do this again and again until it feels like this character has been allowed his full say.  

When he is spent he can jump in the river and swim across, emerging naturally once again- costume falling off.  He is Safety.  Feel the safety, feel it in your entire body, feel it’s assuredness, confidence and knowing.  When you feel like you have met this person completely- and this is you- the natural you. Join hands with the Creator.  Where once stood victim and aggressor these two now stand and look into one another’s eyes.  Forgiveness is shared, shared means giving and receiving, any remnants of the costumes fall away.  When they are ready, hand in hand they look back across the river.  One more costume remains and they are eager to bring it all Home to this side of the river. 

Awareness back to the original banks, friend ready and near by.  You put on the final costume, the rescuer, the rescuer has been witnessing the goings on of the victim and aggressor and they intercede.  Explore the rescuer, explore the one who watches these battles and what is going inside of them, inside their bodies, their fears and hopes and emotions and thoughts.  

Explore her fully, explore her at different ages and angles.  When fully explored join hands with your friend for the final swim across the river, you are ready to let go of this side and see the other side.  You have fully experienced the game of victim and bully and bystander and rescuer.  You are READY for something else.

You jump in together and move to the other side- as you emerge- watch yourself, as you move towards the rest of you your heart is light.  Underneath this costume, which has disappeared in the river, you are LOVE.

Love emerges sparkling from the water, step in completely, feel Love, 

you     are    Love

Love is able to look back at the other side of the river and know that it is all okay, there is no longing and no seeking, only full acceptance, room for everything that seemed like was.  

Love greets Creation and Safety and they join hands.  Feel it.  Allow It, see what they want to do.  

You see now that you look like your friend, in your natural state you are very similar and yet your essence remains.  

You merge now into One again.  Love, Creation, Safety.  You Are.  You sit on the bank, more relaxed than you’ve ever felt before, the sun shining on you.  

You look in the river and see your reflection.  You know yourself as love, creation and safety and you feel the ‘note’ of it.  Hold the note, Hold the note.  Notice the notes of the rest of the people and things in this room, in your life,  feel the Harmony.  

 You will ask your friend to help you to resist the temptation to dive across the river again and put on the costumes, but if you do- you know that it’s okay.  You know the way back, you can go and play anytime that you want, just recognizing that it is your choice.  

As you continue to hold the note, when you are ready you will wiggle your toes here and now, you will open your eyes here and now and you will hold this note as long as you can.

I Love You.