Saturday, July 28, 2012

How Do You Stay So Strong?

A couple of weeks ago during a rousing game of 'Scramble with friends', a friend asked “How Do You Stay So Strong?”. This question has been bouncing around ever since.

I have ruminated on this question, chewed it up like cud and moved it through my four stomaches.

My initial response was more questions-

“Am I being strong?”

“What is strong?”

“Who is NOT being strong?”

and a statement:

“God is my strength”, but what does that mean?

I saw a kitty poster (which I can’t find for the life of me) that said “Fear shared is cut in half”- which made me think of the support group I have and how Fear cut into 1000 or more is nearly nothing.

Sharing has definitely strengthened me, sharing without expectations and without editing. At some level the biggest fear is that we are alone, separate; and by sharing, this lie just can’t live.

As I shared about my dental fears I was overwhelmed by the number of others hiding what had been a secret shame of mine, as I shared about cancer I received gifts of the heart from all around- no matter what the form it said “we are in this together”.

I have been called strong when I admit that I’m having a hard day, and when I exclaim that everything is perfect- so it’s not at all about the outside.

I have been moved by the fact that so many of us see strength in others while minimizing our own. Case in point- the person who asked me this question found out that the numbness in her legs was an inoperable tumour the very next day, and yet she keeps on trying to beat me at Scramble :). I have had letters from people who call me inspiring- and they themselves are going through battles that I would prefer not to. The fact is, we are all strong.

When do I feel strong- well, that is where God comes in for me. When I remember that I am an eternal spirit, invulnerable and limitless- well- strength just is. When I believe that I am a small body at the risk of danger/injury/hardship/hurt feelings at any moment, well- then I’m scared- not just with cancer- but always!

I looked up Strong and this is the definition that fits best: "Not easily upset; resistant to harmful or unpleasant influences”- Hopefully she didn’t mean this one " having an unpleasantly powerful taste or smell”- maybe should have checked that.

I vacillate between not being easily upset and being easily upset but then looking into the WHY of it- this is where I’m finding gold. Instead of putting up with a life of one upset after another I truly believe that we need not suffer- it’s supposed to be fun here!!!!!! As I erase the lies and the unwanted and limiting beliefs with forgiveness and shining the light on them I feel freer and less and less blown about by the ever changing winds of this world.

As I’ve said in other posts, I’ve chosen to have the strength to look at my crap this time- being aware of what I feel, what I’m thinking, what beliefs that that indicates and then decide whether that is where I want to keep operating from or not.

When I choose that Love is my ONLY purpose, it doesn’t matter what I’m seemingly going through, who I’m with, where I’m at. This is the only action I’m focussing on right now, trusting that the rest will fall into place (and it seems to be!).

I’m not sure that I ‘stay’ strong, but as all of you have shown me- when I show what this world calls weakness- well- that is seen as strong too!

In a nutshell

1. Sharing
2. Self Awareness
3. Honest Expression
4. Ask for Help (from God and the gods and goddesses around you).

AND finally, the answer I usually use:

“What else are we supposed to do?”

From ACIM Lesson 91

“I am not weak, but strong.”
“I am not helpless, but all powerful.”
“I am not limited, but unlimited.”
“I am not doubtful, but certain.”
“I am not an illusion, but a reality.”
“I cannot see in darkness, but in light.”

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