How A Course In Miracles Saved My Anniversary

15 years today! It’s a gorgeous fall day, very similar to our wedding day.

Dusty headed to work and I had gifted myself with a day of solitude and unplanned wandering. The kids were taken care of and I resisted the urge to make plans with anybody.

I woke up with the sun and went out on the deck- welcomed the day and asked for the Holy Spirit to guide and organize my day.

I decided to anchor myself at the Good Earth Café and enjoy a day of uninterrupted web surfing and writing- this and the promise of a green tea latte had my heart all a pitter-patter.

So, you can imagine my dismay when within 5 minutes of the Café Dusty called and requested that I pick him up some building supplies and deliver them to his worksite (45 minutes away)!

His request was met with instantaneous tears. I immediately engaged in whining, asking him if he really needed it, he explained that he did. I told him of my plans and then requested at least 2 hours of my time before I made delivery.

He sighed with relief and said that that would be okay, but that he really needed these items today.

I hung up quickly, still swallowing a lump of tears and began to mourn and rant about the loss of my day, tying it to the loss of my previous chiseled out day and the voice of lament journeyed over the fact that I never get to do what I want, I never get a day alone, he wouldn’t help me this morning and now he just expects me to wreck my whole day for him…and then- HS- thank goodness- threw in a life preserver. “Is this what you are going to choose?”.

Just two days ago I had (once again) begun the Course In Miracles. I have read a lot of authors takes on it, have flipped through it, but have yet to complete the 365 lessons in the workbook. Day two’s lesson was “I create the meaning in this_________” (paraphrased)- this message slipped under the pity party and I felt the beginning of release, I bounced back and forth for about 10 minutes, other words from the course jumped in- urging me towards peace. “I don’t know what my needs are”- I need a day to myself- do I? Is that true? “My brothers needs are my needs”, this was the first that I truly considered Dusty’s dilemma and he obviously had felt and known my discontent. I then remembered that it was this very thought that led me to getting Oprah tickets!!!

So just as I turned into the Good Earth Café I heard the final kicker “Are you going to trust, or what?”. I had given the Holy Spirit this day, and now I was ranting about what a crappy job she was doing of it- me with my limited vision and perspective versus her with the whole picture (very similar to my arguments with my toddler).

I took a big breathe and chose acceptance, trusting that my day would benefit everyone. I congratulated myself on asking for the two hours- in past years I would have chosen the martyr route, going to get supplies with rage and dismay and dropping it off with tears and dramatic flair, maybe rippin’ Dusty a new one when he got home, or more likely choosing icy silence- Happy Anniversary!

I spent my two hours with my computer and my green tea latte and I was ready to move when it was time; the pick up was effortless and at drop off the final sad parts of me were blasted off by the exquisite view and the perfection of the fall day in the magical place that Dusty is currently working.

I took some time to be thankful, picked some Sage and visited the creek, knowing full well that I could have been pouting.

And now I sit here- blogging in my peaceful house, grateful to have chosen love, peace and forgiveness.

Tonight we will spend the evening at a town meeting on the Sewage Lagoon that is being placed adjacent to us- I’m laughing at this as I write, I’m sure this too will all work out. With Love, Fawna