Monday, May 28, 2012

Pause, Rewind, Fast Forward

It’s been a little bit since I blogged and I’ve been getting word that a few of you are worried. May need to get a live cam, reality show type crew to follow me, your worry on me is wasted. I am happy as a clam. Today, I noticed that I was completely content; I was doing my taxes, I have chemo. tomorrow and a PET scan on Wednesday and I was as happy as I was in Pecos, NM on retreat.


I stepped out of my ‘regular’ life for a week in a Monastery in New Mexico on a retreat with teachers Nouk Sanchez, Carrie Triffet and Stacy Sully. Their teachings are based on A Course In Miracles, a text who’s main tenants are making the choice between Faith and Fear and using Forgiveness as a tool to invite Peace, Love and Harmony into your life. These gentle and humble teachers invited an honest look at our thinking and gave us the tools to ‘let go’ and to ‘embody’ the Miracle Maker. Thanks to the loving support of Dusty, the kids and our families I was able to completely immerse myself in the quiet time and the connection to Spirit, I can’t think of a nicer gift. Taking the time to stop and go within (Pause) allows me to see the ‘crazy making’ thoughts that are ever present (Rewind) and then to shoot closer to the awareness that I Am Love. This sense has begun to fill me, warming me and drawing me closer to everyone- friends, family and beautiful strangers on the shuttle.

This presence was welcomed as I returned to hear that my sister in laws parents, long time neighbours had been in a head on collision and were fighting for their lives. As with the story of cancer, this is a shared experience, felt deeply by a wide circle and weighing heavily on those closest to the family. My brother and sister in law (not the same one) were the first on scene and handled it unbelievably well, but were understandably shaken.

The overwhelming sense that I have is that we are all in this together, that in sharing our vulnerability we show that we no longer need the strong defences, the walls, the misguided controlling behaviours that keep us separate. Our connection is our strength.

So, if you are wondering how I am, I have to say better than ever. I’m in a space where the words are not quite enough, so I ask you to stop now, close your eyes and drop your awareness into your body, the heart, the belly- drop in, tune in and join me in the openness here. I ask you to feel how I’m feeling, and I assure you that you will not be worried any more.

Love You!

2 comments:

  1. Fawna,
    Thank you for sharing! I admire your faith and courage and this is what I needed to hear this a.m.!
    I feel like we know each other and yet never met.
    I continue to pray for your strength and healing.
    BTW, I finished that book by Wayne Dwyer "Wishes Fulfilled" loved it!
    Have a great day and many blessings,
    Martha Tassinari

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  2. Hi Martha-
    Thank You- I have also felt like we know each other- love your posts on Facebook.
    All strength appreciated-
    With Love,
    Fawna

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