Focussing on the Gifts

We have been without internet for a week so it was a chance to unplug (aka torture the teens).

Where I’m at right now is a week after the second chemotherapy. I met with my lovely team, 2 doctors and a nurse at Tom Baker on April 27th to get the low down on their plan. They were thrilled with the results of the initial treatment and how I was feeling. In a short visit they lined out their plan to treat this as a ‘new’ occurrence and therefore take least invasive measures first (yay!). Three sessions of RCHOP (chemotherapy) followed by a PET scan and radiology consult. I was thrilled- 2 more sessions- easy peasy!

Over the time since the first chemotherapy I continued to accept offers of supplemental treatments, I had a Reiki + session with Sandy Day from High River. I made a commitment to see Sandy for her nurturing treatments monthly in 2005,
in May of that year I became miraculously pregnant with Gus. I had been told that I would NOT become pregnant after the Stem Cell Transplant and had in menopause for years. Sandy is where I go when I want to feel complete unconditional love and attention.

The second week I had a “Journey” session with Deb Elliot from Millarville, this was a profound session, uncovering beliefs about being ‘let down’ by ‘spiritual teachers’, being betrayed, not being trusted and not trusting. In uncovering these I am able to choose again, to choose to trust and heal. I have had several people say “I couldn’t do that, I’m not that in tune”, it’s just not true, there is an element of fear in looking at these beliefs and a stronger relief when you have the courage to do so. The power of these sessions are that they take you right to your Source, to your Truth and allow you to access that Wisdom- all in a couple of hours of guided meditation.

In the final ‘rest’ week I had a massage/CranioSacral treatment and Oxygen therapy with Sheila Harvey at the beautiful Chimney Rock Wellness Retreat.

I have continued to receive distance healing from yoga groups, drum groups, healers and prayer circles from everywhere.

The morale support on Facebook and in email has been remarkable, people reaching out with their love and their own stories.

I finished reading Wayne Dyer’s “Wishes Fulfilled” and Anita Moorjani’s “Dying To Be Me”.

After waking drowned in hair last Sunday Dusty shaved my head, I let it go too far to do the mullet or mohawk! It’s been a week and - for goodness sake it is growing! Gus found it scary at first and then enjoyed scaring his friends with it (my bald head) this week.

Chemotherapy last Monday was much quicker, I spent a couple of hours sleeping through it and just managed it much better this past week. I actually took all the medications I was supposed to (lol) and did my best to truly rest (realizing this is not my strong suit). The chemotherapy leaves me feeling ‘hungover’- tired, gross taste in the mouth and nauseated however, after months of feeling miserable I would say that overall I am feeling better. By Thursday I was well enough to take the 3 kids shopping and go to Costco. I saw Sandy Day again and today was treated to a visit and a Crystal Healing Kit from Grace Diamond.

I continue to wake in the middle of the night with meditation and insights. This week is what about eliminating dis-ease, and my desire to remove all barriers to Ease. Ease in relationships, ease in support, ease in health, in every area. I saw how the current situation is a chance to grind to a halt. A chance to redirect towards heart centred living, a chance to stop ‘trying’ to be perfect and accept my perfection- as is, here and now. I also have a strong sense that all of this is happening through me, not by me, that Grace is acting on me in a way that is NOT under personal control and that theree is a sense of evolution to it- it’s just time. Time to give up one way of living for another. Without judgement on the past or on what ‘other’ people are doing.

What this adds up to is GRATITUDE. I continue to allow myself to Love and Be Loved - allowing pieces of dis-ease with this to fall away. I have had miraculous support all around me, from my husband and kids to our accountant, lawyer and banker (seriously!) and everyone in between.

This weekend I booked flights to New Mexico to join the Power of Power Retreat. I will step away from my life for a week and I look forward to the opportunity to step away from old roles- Mom, Wife, Daughter as well as this recent role of ‘cancer person’. I look forward to listening and hearing.

I don’t have a point today, sharing more than anything, sharing all of it.

Dusty and I have both been struck by our ‘fear detector’, the room when we left chemotherapy on Monday was FULL of it, heavy, choking fear and despair. Dusty mentioned ‘they should have comedians in here’. The loss of hair seems to trigger people, both of us feeling their terror as a discordant hum. This hits us mostly as a surprise as we are not in a space of ‘Fawna is dying’ and so when we see it sets us back, Dusty usually starts to laugh, it doesn’t seem to last long when people tune in.

I’m grateful for all of you who are following and participating in this journey, we are in this together and I invite you to love yourself with me. I’d really like to hear some feedback from some of you for what’s going on with you too- share your insights, your growth, your miracles.

In Peace,
Fawna