From a fight to Appreciation

So, this is probably the most raw 'aha' that I've had in a while.

The morning started out pretty well, quiet Saturday, my husband asked
me to make him breakfast- I said 'No'- I just didn't want to.

Then I was doing some work for him on the computer and he was cooking
himself a sandwich and I asked if he could make me one. He said "that's funny".

Wow- even writing this makes me see that I became a bit crazed :), believe me
the story in my head was highly in my favor.

SO- I slammed down the computer, said "nevermind" and stormed out of the room (reasonable).

So, under the covers I began my internal rant- 'I have to do everything', 'why does
he have to be like that' 'he only focuses on what I don't do, not all of the things
I do do', exhausting, right? This brought me to the core of the issue 'he doesn't appreciate me.'

Well, I've been doing enough self help for 10 people and I have worked on being in
my body and listening to my story. This statement landed like an anvil in my gut and
that little voice inside said 'ding,ding,ding'.

Alright, then the work starts, if I am telling myself the story that 'he doesn't appreciate me'- and by the way this then extends to EVERYONE else- seriously- noone
appreciates me :). Byron Katie's work comes in there- Is this true- well no- how does
it make me feel? Defeated, sad, alone...How would I feel if I didn't tell myself this
story? well- for sure better.

So, I ask spirit to join me and I stare "noone appreciates me" in the face. Various images over time pop up along with rationales and defensiveness- I keep staring.

When it feels like I'm going to burst- the last straw "I don't appreciate myself"- aha.

So, now what? I try affirming- feels too light, I ask for spirit to cut all cords to this idea of appreciation from me over all time.

I then relax into the truth- I am infinite being, I am child of God, I am appreciated, and in fact I am appreciation. Ahhh- can you feel that? It was as if channels throughout my body opened up and I was awash in true surrender of this story.

An interesting development that has happened lately is that my attachment to an agenda is diminishing (in other words- I didn't immediately think- wow if I start to appreciate myself I will get a lot of good things).

I appreciate this venue to share, I appreciate you for having read through this,

Infinite Love and Gratitude,
Fawna