Thursday, April 5, 2012
As I wade into the Western Medical System every treatment is accompanied by a list of “possible side effects”, often they will make me laugh out loud- wondering- really? this is good for me?
What I’ve been thinking about though are other types of reactions, other side effects. 12 years ago I remember the shock of ‘other peoples’ reactions. Prepared this time I’ve been able to have compassion and patience that I didn’t always feel before.
The word cancer, the thought of a mother dying, and whatever other stories come up for people inherently seem to lead to fear. This fear expresses itself in a few different ways- the fighters and the flighters. Mad at the doctors for not catching it sooner, quick to need to ‘do’ something or suggest something, the fighters want to get right in there. The flighters either shut down, avoid, deflect and feel terrible in the process. Unfortunately, I’m having piles of friends judging themselves as selfish.
The thing is, to me selfish is most helpful. How you react is a goldmine for ‘waking up’. For stopping being in a rut of continuing the same pattern over and over. My Truth is that (and this may be hard to wrap the head around) but that you are not sad/mad/frustrated about me, or this story, these emotions are there just waiting to be expressed. They are attached to a tale, the tale is attached to belief and usually that belief has “unintended side effects”.
I’m inviting everyone to be selfish, take a look at the ‘what is going on here’. Become quiet and follow the emotion back. Looking at the behind the scenes drama going on allows us to bring it to the light, the light takes the power and you can lean into being ‘responsive’ vs. ‘reactive’.
What does this look like in practice? Here’s what has been helpful to me.
As soon as I got my diagnosis my first reaction was tears, I was sad, I felt SO, SO bad. As I looked at it, watched what was going on, I saw the following:
“How could I have done this?”
“How could I do this to my parents, my kids, my friends?”
“It’s all my fault”
“If only I had pushed harder"
So sadness was guilt, guilt had this story of how I have done something wrong. Then I look for the belief- the belief that I saw here was “I am responsible to keep everyone happy”- I’ve seen this one in me before. I sat with it. I applied the work of Byron Katie
Now I make sure that I am gentle and kind with myself, this is not an indictment- but an investigation.
This belief that I am responsible to keep everyone happy has the following side effects:
1. Manipulative behaviour
2. fake happiness
3. emotion stuffing
5. greasy discharge (just kidding, that one just always makes me laugh)
Okay, now what. After a thorough look it usually has lost a lot of it’s power, I ask the Holy Spirit to look at it with me, forgive myself, and wait, if I’m still I will usually get an answer in terms of a feeling of peace, of calm or words “you are innocent” “happiness comes from the inside”
I will also realize that all fear is in the past or future, I actually think I might feel less afraid now that the diagnosis has been made, I’m not afraid that I might have cancer and have to tell everyone. I have it, everyone’s been great, and I am not entertaining dying at this point.
I’m totally cool with the crying, the anger, the pain that is showing up- all good- I just invite you to join me in ‘erasing’ some of these beliefs and set yourself free.
Freedom from suffering- mmmm- that sounds good to me.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this one, it’s trippy to change the idea that “I am sad because...something outside” to “I am not sad for the reason I think, where is this coming from Truly?”.
Let’s do this together. Minga!!!!
"The concept of Minga has existed since before Incan rule. Minga is the gathering of community members to complete a task that benefits all of the community. It is considered each individuals' obligation to the community.”
Thank You to my Cousin Jodi for introducing me to the concept of Minga after hearing Craig Kielburger(founder of Free the Children).